20 October 1999

Diary?

Why in heaven's name do I want to do this to myself? Put my thoughts and fears and hopes and dreams on the web for the world to see? I guess like the rest of my American peers I've been infected with the cultural bias towards sharing the inner world with the outer world. Despite my agreement with Miss Manners that this sort of behavior is at best disruptive to normal society, and at worst downright rude, I'm going to put it up anyway. I suppose I will console myself with the idea that I'm not forcing this on anyone and hope that Miss Manners would be appeased with that explanation.

With all the mess that has happened this past year, it's hard to know where to start. Being single again, and finally in a city where there's actually a dating pool has been an experience and a half. I think the one thing I miss the most about being with someone is the time spent just being able to be there with them, not really doing a lot, just being there, cuddling on the couch, or sitting together and reading or watching TV or the like. I miss having a body beside me when I sleep. Not necessarily for sex (heaven knows it's easy enough to find sex in this city if that's all you're after), but to have someone to hold and be held by.

Now it's time to redesign this web site, decide on the format (no frames this time!!!!!), and get it all fixed.

21 October 1999

Suit

How to keep your co-workers on their toes: wear a suit to work (when you normally don't) and leave early for a doctor's appointment. LOL! Wore one this morning for no other reason than that I bought a new tie when I was home last week and wanted to show it off with the outfit which showed it best, namely my grey suit. I can't count the times I got asked, "So, got an interview today, right?" Too funny.

22 October 1999

Dark

I'm not sure what it was about running in the dark this morning. It was, of course, quiet (save for the sounds of NPR's Morning Edition coming softly from my walkman's headphones). Running before the sun came up was pleasant, peaceful. And it seemed to cure my largest pet peeve about runners - more of my fellow runners acknowledged my presence on the trail with a wave or a nod of the head. Perhaps because they realized that yes, I am a serious runner like themselves, perhaps because they felt that in the dark there was a greater connection with their fellow trail runners, or perhaps just because something about my typical wave this morning seemed to hit a (friendly) nerve. Don't know why, I just know that I appreciated the run all the more for that bit of friendship.

It also gave me more time to think about what I wanted from this site. It'll be an evolving effort, to be sure, but for now a way to remember my thoughts, note when I run (perhaps I'll feel shamed into doing it if I know that someone might be watching for it?), and keep my hand in with the web stuff. We'll see. In the meantime, I'll post what I feel and try to keep this regularly updated.

24 October 1999

Abuse?

What a weekend. Long date friday (wonderful date - dinner then talked for hours on end *contented sigh*), slept til mid morning Saturday, lunched and hung out with a friend for a few hours that afternoon, napped, met many folks and danced at Chaos for hours on end (I think at one point we had danced for about 2 hours with no break), then over to Annies for brunch at 3 a.m., then to sleep at a friend's house (in walking distance, as opposed to taxi'ing back to my place waaaaaaay up in the middle of nowhere), semi-decent sleep, then back home to clean up and hurry off to a good champagne brunch at a friends' place for the early afternoon, napped again, then off to a very light dinner with another friend who really needed to get out of the house and not sit at home alone and brood.

What the hell am I doing?

Needless to say, I'm tired. The alcohol didn't help in the least; I need to cut that out and drink more water at the clubs. Stuff is cheaper and better for me anyways. I really don't want any more of a tolerance (not that I have one now), so why do I abuse myself this way? Is this all I see about gay life in this city? If so, how sad a comment is that both on the city and on myself?

In any case, tomorrow it's off to run, then Tu/Th for the gym (running the other days). I'm thinking that'll be enough at this point for what I want the gym to be for me (light toning). So long as the running continues, I'll be happy.

26 October 1999

Sleep

Yet another night with little to no sleep. No, not true, I slept just fine, but just not enough. Got more than the night before, and certainly more than this weekend, but still not nearly enough. So, I skipped the gym this morning, slept a few moments longer, got up and took care of bills (whee) and generally put a few things in order here at home rather than running off to pump iron. Sheesh. As I've said before, I need to regularize my schedule for exercise.

27 October 1999

Songbird

Men do not talk in public restrooms. Women do, from what I understand, but not men. Well, on rare occasions they will, but it's usually a stilted and tense conversation, limited to brief social niceties and/or talk about work or sports. So imagine my horror when I was serenaded in the bathroom this afternoon.

There I am, a captive audience (if you will), made to listen as some uncouth carpeting or painting contractor made known his pleasure at being in the place by singing and whistling in his stall. And it was bad singing, too. No tune. No full lyrics. No more than 3 notes at a time in a given range. Ugh! This is not normal. This was very uncomfortable. Some taboos are fine to break, but the one about talking in the restroom is not one of them. I dare say most men would be somewhat unnerved at such behavior.

Then, as I am trying to make good my escape (all the while he's stillsinging, even though it's obvious someone else is in the restroom with him), his shoes were poking out from under the stall (why was I looking? To prevent stepping on said shoes!), at an angle that suggested he had legs like Stretch Armstrong (i.e., that could go waaaay away from his body and ankles that could bend at right angles from his body and not break). So not only do we have someone serenading us, but he's in there in bare feet doing so. What is one to do? I quickly washed up and left as soon as I was able.

29 October 1999

Minefield

How does one go about socializing with other gay men? How do you deal with the fact that every potential friend is also a potential sex partner? Actually, not fair questions, I know how to interact with people, but sometimes I don't observe the boundries quite as strictly as I should. Witness my behavior at the High Heel Race tuesday evening when I shocked the hell out of a gentleman who had the nerve to challenge me (never, never challenge the Moose, you never know what he might do). In a nutshell, he complained he hadn't received 'as enthusiastic a greeting' as I gave another friend, so he got one. Silly, silly Moose.

Hopefully I'll keep this little journal going a tad more regularly than I have this week. I just finished three entries that were only partially done and posted them this evening. Sheesh. Seems to be as bad as my exercise schedule (though I have to say it felt _great_ to get to the gym on thursday).

Now if Gerry would just get into town already. :-)

31 October 1999

Unreal(?)/Unsure

Ghoulies and goblins wandering around Dupont this evening. One guy in a snorkel outfit actually looked like he was right in place - something out of an unusual fetish scene or the like. I suppose this is the one time when such things seem perfectly normal outside in the open. More dominatrixes running around yesterday than would ever normally be seen outside a porn video. It's a shame most folks will likely assume the costumes are all for fun and only fun, and dismiss those who actually care for such activities as freaks (or as creatures as whom one can dress at times when the "unnatural" is supposed to come out to play). Pet peeve the whateverth number. Yes, I do have a number of pet peeves - I don't normally let them bother me much, but this one is particularly annoying.

Otherwise this was a good weekend. Gerry came down to visit and it was a lot of fun playing tourist in my chosen city of D.C. I've not taken the time to do the little things like wander around the Tidal Basin, the Mall and the museums, so doing so was a very pleasant change from my norm. Was also nice not to get up with a hangover for the first weekend this month. :-p Dancing was much nicer without the amount of alcohol that had (witness the conscious use of the past tense) become my habit this month. I knew that, but sometimes life has to beat me over the head (again and again and again).

I like this new enthusiasm for my health; now if I can just channel some of this energy into figuring out where I'm headed professionally, personally, etc. I know I'm taking the bar in February (that check's been sent!), and I know I'll look for private firm work in a serious way once I get that out of the way. I also know I'd like to date. Just not sure what area of law, what type of legal environment, what type of man I want, what type of relationship I want. The joys of life and maturity. :-)

P.S.: Yes, gentle reader, the emoticons are going to stay, decided that this evening. I use them enough in online chat, so why not keep them here. They're appropriate to the medium of communication, so there's no reason not to use them. I'm attempting to make these pieces a bit more worthy of my writing skills (i.e., to give them some organization for once!), but I see little point in leaving the emoticons out, so long as they do no distract from the writing. We'll see.