Entry the Six Hundred and Fifty Fifth

11 October 2004

Hiatus

04/10/11 1:56 p.m.

A month off. I don't think I've taken that much down time from the diary since I started it.

I've been vacillating between starving and gorging my addictions: exercising like mad, and then stopping for a week or more at a time; ignoring all alcohol, then having it three days running; reducing the size of my daily decaf, then going for full-test at home. In other words, living as I normally do. Had a head cold in there, just before my 32nd birthday. Put me in a thoroughly foul mood which I unfairly took out on Richard. We've sorta recovered from that, but not entirely I think. He's much better to me than I deserve, and I frequently wonder what keeps him around.

Work is going well. I'm to get a grade increase whenever the paperwork makes it through the personnel shop; the General Counsel signed off on the paperwork back on the 20th, so hopefully it'll kick in soon. It's a not inconsiderable increase in salary, and it will definitely help with the debt reduction efforts. Boss came in and told me it was "my lucky day," and of course I assumed we'd just gotten some huge project dumped on us, so when she instead told me about the promotion I was just blown away. We had discussed that it would happen before I'd been there a full year, but not precisely when. I figured it would happen after we got the budget for the new fiscal year, not before. A very pleasant surprise, I must say.

Had one disturbing incident. Showed up at a trick's place and after a short while he hauled out what looked like a crack pipe (was crystal meth) and his creme bruleé torch and took a hit. I quickly excused myself, not wanting to wait around for what would come (or, more likely, not come). Was very unnerving to watch someone so casually haul this stuff out and light up, especially when all my info has the warning, "No PnP" (no "party and play," another way of saying no mixing drugs and sex). With the incidence of STDs increasing along with the increase in meth use, I just don't even want near that. And it's not like I don't play with folks who are positive, I do, but who needs the mind or the body impaired when you want to perform what will be (hopefully) essentially an athletic activity? Makes little sense to me.

I discovered I have webmail access on this site, so I'm starting to use these email addys a bit more. I have a couple of other projects that I'm mulling over, adding a listing of my music and movie collections (mainly for reference for folks who want to see what I have for the bad movie parties), and starting the reviews of various lubes that I've promised folks. I got some good feedback off the LiveJournal when I asked for suggestions, so I have a better idea of what I want to do there. The difficult part will be the layout and coding, I think. The reviews themselves should be fun to do. Picking up new lubes, the masturbatory ones moreso than the standards, has been quite entertaining. I wonder if I can start getting free samples at some point. A fun fantasy, but highly doubtful.

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Ran in RCP

Entry the Six Hundred and Fifty Sixth

20 October 2004

Withdrawal

I've been trying to kick the caffeine habit again this week.

I had forgotten how ugly the first two weeks of that can be. Ugh.

So, this week has been all about a decided lack of sleep and energy. And motivation to do much more than want to sleep. Thankfully I've had no major projects at work since my brain has been pretty much disengaged from reality. This will all fade soon enough, but it's getting through this first week or two that's the hardest. I really, really want off the stuff again, and no more falling off the wagon.

But damn I miss the ritual of morning coffee. And the smell and taste of the stuff. It's a shame they don't make un-caffeinated coffee (as opposed to decaffeinated, which still has caffeine in it).

So that's where I am this week. The lack of sleep has put a serious damper on workout plans. Will reset my clock this weekend, I hope, and get back on track there. A nice run and swim will help bring about some of the physical need for sleep, too, which'll help.

I'm also, partially because of the whole exhaustion thing, wrestling with my motivations. Why am I doing this? Why drop the caffeine? Why am I exercising? Why am I letting my emotions get away and overeating like there's no tomorrow? Lots of whys, not a lot of clear answers, at least not that I've been able to articulate. Will get there, but first, getting through the first week of withdrawal.

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Entry the Six Hundred and Fifty Seventh

24 October 2004

Just Do It

I need something up to remind myself that I always feel worse before I start exercising and better afterwards (unless, of course, I do something stupid like break my ankle).

Was feeling all blah this morning. Was rainy and icky, and I didn't want to ride down to the YWCA to swim. But I finally got off my butt, got my stuff together and rode down.

The ride was nowhere near as bad as I'd been dreading; in fact, it was pretty invigorating. The swim itself went well. My form has gotten much better, but now I need to work on repeats - getting my endurance up so I can swim longer distances without feeling like I'm going to die at the end. The ride home was pretty nice, and not quite as wet as the ride down. I suspect that going uphill and, hence, not as fast had something to do with not getting quite as wet.

Spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning. Took a ton of stuff off my desk and sorted, filed and/or trashed it all. It looks much, much better now. As does the bookshelf beside it, my dresser, and my chest of drawers. All got surface makeovers (and the dresser even got dusted). Was a busy boy, and the cleaning was much needed. I always feel better when my space is orderly, and today was no exception.

The withdrawal seems to be fading, right on schedule. I'm mostly sleeping through the night, and getting to bed at a decent hour. I certainly have more energy now at the end of the first week than I did on Monday. Hopefully I'll get up and run tomorrow, which of course continues to help with the sleep cycle.

Next I have to work on my relationship with Richard. It's been strained, to say the least. So I've asked if I can make him dinner on Wednesday. Hopefully he'll say yes.

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Biked/Swam/Biked

Entry the Six Hundred and Fifty Eighth

25 October 2004

Keyboard/Progress

I finally got a new keyboard for my Palm. Much as I love the Tungsten C and its built-in thumb board, nothing is quite like being able to type on a full-sized keyboard, even on a screen as small as that of the Palm.

I'm hoping this will mean I'll carry it with me to work and I'll type more. I know I've had things I want to type up and type up more quickly than the thumb board would allow but which I did not want to type on my work computer. Much as I love the current Big Government Agency, they recently upgraded us all to a Common Operating Environment and that's meant a lot more control for them and a lot less freedom for me. No more chat program, no more getting away with other programs on the desktop. I might ask if they can put Docs to Go on my desktop just so I can beam stuff back and forth, but even there they're monitoring activity and saving stuff to a network drive, so I'm better off just working on the Palm itself if I want to share things.

So, back to being able to type at a decent pace. Much, much better. I missed the old keyboard I had on my last Palm, the venerable IIIx. I still have that one, but the connector didn't work on the current Palm. I don't mind that Palm has upgraded the connector to make it smaller, etc., but I do mind when they keep doing so not for any technical reason but, it appears, simply to make the old accessories obsolete, much in the way that the newest Treo model doesn't use the same connectors as anything else in the PalmOne lineup so you have to buy all new stuff if you want the newest base unit. Ah well, all the more reason not to upgrade the beastie.

An evening spent grocery shopping tonight, as well as sipping wine and chatting with friends. I'm making a big meal on Wednesday for a date with Richard and had to get most of the ingredients tonight. I have a few more things to pick up tomorrow, but I'm pretty much prepared for the feast. I rarely take the time to cook a special meal, so I'm looking forward to this in two days. We're attending a party tomorrow or that would have been more proper since I'm getting off work early for training, but we work with what we have.

Otherwise things are going well. I'm going to rest tomorrow from exercise (thank you, Big House Red), but will hit the saddle again on Wednesday morning. Work goes okay, though not thrillingly. I feel little passion for what I do now, but that's a topic for another day.

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Ran in RCP

Entry the Six Hundred and Fifty Ninth

27 October 2004

Finances

04/10/27 3:09 p.m.

Figures, I write up something substantive on LiveJournal rather than here and LJ eats it. Ah well, lets me put it back in the proper place for such musings.

I've fussed on here some about my financial situation. Long story short, in addition to my student loans (which are not inconsequential), I have a large gob of credit card debt. I chalk most of up to being young and stupid while living with The Ex, and then simply not paying enough attention to my credit after I got away from him (and also having to borrow some there so I could escape from him in the first place). I certainly take full responsibility for the debts, which is why I've been working to try to reduce them and get rid of them. The plan that Quicken helped work out had me paying them off over a period of several years, gradually paying down the highest interest rate cards and working my way down the four of them.

That's where the credit union (CU) at work comes in. I've switched my direct deposit over there, effective the next pay check, in two weeks. Once that's done and ready to go I'll close out the commercial bank account and then I'm applying for a loan through the CU to consolidate those debts and pay them off. Even at the highest interest rate and just paying out what I'm paying currently to the cards, it looks like I'll be turning an 8-20 year process into a 2.5 year to 18 month process. Wow. I can't even express how excited that makes me, to know the end of that debt is in sight.

I've already paid off one of the small cards I had, and a medical debt that was left from discovering that I had no insurance in grad school (parents thought I was covered, had tests done, discovered then at age 24 that I'd been dropped at age 22 and was running around with no insurance for 2.5 years - whee!). So I know how much of a relief it is to see that final payment go out the door. Being able to actually think about there being an end in sight is almost overwhelming.

Additionally, where I thought I was not going to be able to think about a computer this year, Da Boss came in and asked if I wanted my year-end performance bonus in leave (which I have plenty of) or cash. I took the cash option. She wasn't sure which grade would be the multiplier, but in either case the bonus, after taxes, will be plenty to get a new computer, even at Apple's prices. So it looks like I'll be all Mac-i-fied by the end of the year after all. Yes, I could plop that into the debt, but you know, I want something to celebrate my first year here at the new Big Government Agency.

And, to top it off, my grade increase hit last pay period, meaning I get the first signs of it in the check that gets deposited tomorrow.

All in all, a much happier picture of my finances. Combine that with the decrease in stress at this job, and the general satisfaction with the level and quality of my work, and I cannot, cannot thank enough people for getting me over here. I'm so glad I made the move over; it's making all the difference in so many areas.

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Entry the Six Hundred and Sixtieth

29 October 2004

Credit

04/10/28 4:19 p.m.

Five more days and then hopefully, just maybe, the election madness will be over and we'll be getting a new administration. I've made no secret of the fact that I want the administration to change, and I shall continue to hope that is the case. But enough of politics.

A good food day today, breakfast aside. Woke up at 4, couldn't fall asleep again, so I read the paper early and felt out the body to see if I were up to running. I was not. So I made some pasta and pad some of the pesto I'd made the other day. Was good, but I ate too much of it. Made up for it by having a very light lunch with Doug this afternoon, and am sipping some newly purchased herbal tea as I sit here typing. Good stuff, it's a wild berry tisane from Teaism. Yum.

Managed not to pig out last night for dinner, too. Made a good, full dinner for Richard and myself, a from-scratch casserole-like thing called a tian, some sauteed spinach with pine nuts and raisins and a fruit macedoine (thinly sliced fruit with a sauce made of preserves and Triple Sec) for dessert. Also opened, but did not finish, the bottle of Old Telegram I'd picked up last year at Bonny Doon. Was very, very good together. And will be very good for a nice dinner this evening as well.

Because of the interrupted sleep I believe tonight should be an early night, with melatonin, to knock myself out and get some decent sleep so I can get up and either run or swim tomorrow. I think I'd rather swim, then hit the work gym for weights for the first time. I've been trying to add that to my routine, but events keep overrunning those plans. Time to make the plans more of a priority, especially since I have nowhere else to be tomorrow evening.

And people keep wondering what I'm going to do with my time once I'm no longer a commissioner. Ha.

This evening's plan, aside from sleep, is to look up my credit reports once I get home and can take the time to pore over them. I know there's still stuff on there that belongs to Papa Moose instead of this Moose (the joys of having the same name, separated only by a generation and a roman numeral), and now that they'll let you challenge it all online instead of having to do it all via the postal mail, it's a lot more convenient to get in there, root around, and get it cleaned up. That should help tremendously with the finances, and it should also improve the score for looking at the loan from the credit union, to get Dad's stuff offa there. Don't need that mortgage hitting my score, thankyouverymuch.

Not the most thrilling way to spend your evening, but a useful way at least.

...

Well, got home, tried to log in, and I can't even count the fuck-ups they have in my files. I can't count them because I can't see most of them. Transunion wouldn't let me call and confirm who I was, they just let me order the presumably incorrect file via the mail. Experian's site did let me call and confirm, but they're taking their time to send me the user name and password to access the account (though I'll bet they charged me immediately for the report). Equifax, on the other hand, did let me in, after calling to confirm several things that proved I am who I say I am.

But man, what a cluster fuck. In no particular order, the things I've found wrong include:

• The roman numeral is wrong (in fact, they list it as an Arabic numeral, albeit the wrong one).
• The 'current' address listed is over 5 years old.
• They only list two different accounts as being open, both student loans, and none of my credit cards, the other student loans, etc.
• I have no employment history. It looks as if I've never worked in my life.

What. A. Freakin'. Mess.

But better to know this now, and get it fixed, or start getting it fixed, prior to applying for the loan from the credit union.

I just hope I don't end up obsessing over it all night and miss another night of sleep.

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