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Entry the Six Hundred and Sixth01 February 2004 Skin I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. My body no longer wants to be contained in it's current form and that feels just plain gross. But enough about body image. The new job went very well this week. I'm still feeling very good about being there. Occasionally I feel like I'm in over my head when I get handed new things to research and I keep repeating to myself, "Excellence is enough - you don't need perfection," so I'll stop endlessly researching and just sit down and write. Not that it's excellence, necessarily, but I certainly don't need to get to perfection with these things; I just need to give them an answer in a timely manner. The weekend was odd. I caught up on sleep Saturday morning, but then stayed up until 3 a.m. playing Neverwinter Nights. Dangerous, that a role playing game has now so captivated my imagination and made me stay up like that. None of that this evening, though I am up a bit late writing this. Grabbed time and sat myself on the exercise bike this morning for 45 minutes. Missed a possible date because of it, but I'm needing the cardio more than the ego stroking right now. Felt good, didn't need to go any further, though. Will continue with 30 min on weekday mornings and do a "long ride" on weekends, I think. With weights at least two other days a week, that should show some more results after a bit. If I can get my eating in check, that is (what, like you thought the "enough about body image" would actually stick? this is me we're talking about here). Have not been trying really on that end, and been feeling overstuffed a lot of late. Not sure where the stuffed feeling is coming from, past this general discomfort I've had at the extra weight, but it had to go away and soon. I cannot take this lingering physical discomfort every time I eat. Archives |
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Entry the Six Hundred and Seventh09 February 2004 Finances 04/2/9 10:33 p.m. My finances are much better today than they were a week ago. I paid off a second credit card this weekend and will close that one down as soon as I see the payment clear the bank. On three of the remaining four, including the other zero balance one, I got the interest rates reduced. The last one is a store card (will never get one of those again!) that refuses to reduce the rate. But all in all it was a good weekend for taking care of my finances, and I feel much better about them for having done the exercise. I'll continue to work at it and get the rates reduced again in 6 months, or shop around for somewhere else to pay the debt at a lower rate. I want it gone and I know it's in sight now. That actually makes three major debts paid off in the past few months as I paid off the last of the medical stuff I had from living with The Ex just before Christmas. Wasn't much left there, money wise, but was a large burden relieved psychologically. Bit by bit it's coming together. If I get my raise on time or even close to, I'll be even better off for paying those off sooner. Will be glad when it's gone, but has been very instructive along the way. Archives |
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Entry the Six Hundred and Eighth10 February 2004 Broken Saw the podiatrist today and, long story short, the "sprained" ankle from last fall was a break, not a sprain. He took a variety of x-rays to check and pointed out where the break was healed and where it still had some way to go. He's put me in an air cast for at least the next two weeks, so I'll be wearing that out and about. The big air cast is to keep the whole thing immobile, unlike the smaller version I had for sprains, which just limited side to side movement. The hope is, if we hold it as still as possible the body will have a chance to heal it up and not continue to irritate it. I'm actually semi-amused at the whole thing. Yes, I'm pissed at Kaiser for mis-diagnosing it (and no, despite what everyone keeps telling me, I'm not in the mood to sue), and yes, it's irritating that I've had to deal with this at all, but you know, it's been caught and now it can heal. And I get sympathy points at the office. ;-) The only beef I have is that it's still cold outside and my toes are exposed in this thing. Thank heavens for boot socks. So, is broken, but healing. No cardio for the next two weeks, but I can still do upper body weights. Other than that, things are going okay. I spoke to my one student lender with whom I consolidated my loans and confirmed amounts and due dates so I can put that into the planner for my finances. It's worked out now, I just have to watch not to pay things too early so it credits to the proper month. May take some more planning in Quicken, but it's going to work. Archives |
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Entry the Six Hundred and Ninth16 February 2004 Too Many/Not Enough Too much going on, and nothing going on. The ankle's still broken, the piercings are almost all the way healed, and I'm going stir crazy from the lack of exercise. The commission work is going okay, although we got 5 day's notice that we had an oversight hearing coming up and only that amount of time to get a questionnaire together for the council. Oy. Work is starting to finally get busier, which was to be expected; people are finally discovering that I'm there and able to answer questions. Richard left this afternoon for a week out of town. It always seems to strike me, how when he goes out of town I miss him so intensely. It's like one of my stars has been obscured by the clouds and now I can't seem to make the sextant work quite right to find my way. I'm vaguely headed in the right direction, but I can't be really true to course unless I can see that last one and set things right. Yeah, I'm a goofball. And I do miss him. A lot. *sigh* Was good to have a long weekend, one less day I had to go outside and limp around in the "space boot," though I think Wednesday will need a trip to the grocery store so I have something more than convenience foods to make this week. Wasted the actual weekend, so now I have to take scarce time during the week to go for necessities. Typical. But this will mean some planning of potential menu items tomorrow evening after the hearing. Not difficult, just not something I do a lot of these days. Which is a shame, because I need more menu planning with this injury, not less. Too many woes, not enough solutions. Yes, I'm still feeling depressed. Archives |
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Entry the Six Hundred and Tenth16 February 2004 Needs Sleep Relatively better today, though far too tired for my own good. I need to set a better, earlier sleep time and try to stick to it. My chronic lack of sleep can't be good for me. Work is definitely picking up now. They have seriously got to get me a westlaw password soon, though. I can't do all this "look it up in the books" stuff when hopping online is so much faster and less annoying (for example, I can print from my computer, but my ID doesn't work on the copy machine yet, which would mean carrying the damned books halfway down the block to copy them at another, non-coded machine). I can produce, but not without the right tools (like the law librarian, who was not there today). Testified in front of council tonight, the usual yearly oversight hearings. Hopefully if I'm doing this again next year I'll remember how this game is played and will be better prepared. As it was, the councilmember had far more to say about us than we did about us. Next year more writing will be needed. Reading some about eating, and sleep, and all that fun stuff having to do with the body. Debating a new heart rate monitor for when I can exercise again. Did some pushups this morning (more than I used to be able to do, too - the chest presses are helping). Thinking about swimming as my primary cardio once I'm ready to go. Archives |
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Entry the Six Hundred and Eleventh19 February 2004 Control Tonight I tried an experiment. I made dinner, a reasonable amount (well, truthfully I zapped leftovers), made sure it looked okay, then sat down at the table, no TV, no noise, and ate. Paid attention to what I was eating, how fast I ate, the flavor, texture, etc. Ate only that reasonable amount, didn't snarf it down, per the usual, in front of the computer or the TV. Felt full at the end, didn't need any more. Mindfulness. Will have to try to continue this experiment. I've got to get some control over those moments where I eat mindlessly and end up stuffing myself silly. Done it since childhood, not going to continue it, even if it means making meals more of a production. Worth it to keep it under control and stay where I should be, weight-wise. This was not helped when I later tried on my swimsuits and watched my thighs bursting out of the bottom seams. ;-p They fit, but only barely, so I'm going to go get a couple new pair that do fit so once I'm out of the boot I can begin swimming again. The plan is to make that my default cardio for a while until I can run. The lower impact should be easier on the leg and allow it to strengthen more without so much pounding. Archives |
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Entry the Six Hundred and Twelfth24 February 2004 Two More Weeks Saw my podiatrist today. The verdict? Two more weeks in the aircast. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement. It was not unexpected, and it was the right judgment (there was no pain when he pressed directly on the spot, but there was slight pain when he had the foot press laterally against his hand), but it was still a bit of a letdown. I've been pretty good about the aircast and I was hoping to get out of it soon. On the heels of that I managed to not really be late for work (15 minutes? Feh.). I wanted to go out and do something stupid like buy a new coat or a high-fat, dairy-laden muffin. I did give in and get some decaf, but that was the extent of my indulgence during the day. Getting home was another matter. I had planned on tonight being a laundry night. Got home and was totally unmotivated to do anything at all. Made a PBJ and sat in front of the TV to kill something on the TiVo153;. Finished the sandwich, went and got a tiny chocolate soy dream bar. Finished that, went and got another one. Fought myself over a third, got a small portion of leftover soup instead and had that. At the end of the soup I was sated, and pleased that I'd fought off the third soy dream bar, even as small as they are. Finished the episode of Stargate:SG1 and then to the computer. Started chatting with some folks, but also kept working on myself. Finally got up the gumption to go do laundry as I had planned, albeit a little later than planned (started the stuff around 8:30 or so?). Glad I got up and did that, is always good to get something planned out of the way, and it certainly improved my mood. Did some web searching on exercise with lower body injuries. I may go hit the pool on Saturday or Sunday morning anyway to see how that does with the ankle now. I don't recall seeing one of the other machines that you can use for upper body cardio at my gym (it basically looks like you're holding bike pedals in your hand and cranking like you do a bike), but I can look again. Tired of whining, but unsure where to go from here. At least a little something is better than nothing, and would certainly improve my mood, if not my weight, and that's a lot of something at this point. Archives |
