Entry the Five Hundred and Sixty Eighth

01 September 2003

Possibilities/Challenges

03/8/27 5:36 p.m.

I want to do so much, and suddenly so much seems possible.

I am so very, very excited about this new living arrangement. Yes, I've gone on about the apartment, and yes, it's an amazing space, but more than that it's a great opportunity to do some things in my life, and I'm looking forward to sharing my life and living arrangements with another person again.

This effectively increases my take-home pay by a little over $200 a month, giving me a touch more to put toward my considerable debts. I have some small things to take care of, and then I can start in on the credit cards. Freeing this resource to get rid of more of the debt, provided I do work to get rid of it, feels so liberating, as if now there's a brighter light at the end of the tunnel.

I don't think about my debt most days. It's there, and it does prevent me from doing some of the things I've like to do (travel, some more extravagant purchases, etc.), but it's not like it's in my face every moment of the day. It is there, though, and does color what I am able to do. Service and elimination of my debt, aside from the whole job satisfaction thing, is another reason I'm going for this other job with the other Big Government Agency; it caps out at a higher grade (15) than my current position (13), allowing me to get further along to work on this mess. I want it gone, and this will help tremendously.

Past that, I'm just feeling like I'm at the end of another stage of being own that's ending now. The accident smacked me and smacked me hard. I'm finally healed up enough from that that I'm running this half marathon on Sunday, and that I'll be able to hit the gym and the pool again once I'm back from South Carolina the week after next. I'm excited about where I can take my health and fitness now. Once the half is done I can concentrate on swimming technique and fitness, getting myself up to speed on that part of triathlons. When I feel better there, I want to start training for a spring triathlon. A friend of NRJTM told me about a nice, smallish one in Maryland in the spring that sounds like a good goal to shoot for. I want to do an Ironman one of these days, and this is a step on the way. It's a long term goal, but with the addition of the swimming I'm that much closer to it.

I want to concentrate on my eating again, too, which is something I found easier when I was helping to plan meals for two people. It was much easier to plan when I could bounce things off of someone, and when I could be assured that I could make some good food and not be having to eat it for the next week as leftovers. Much easier to get more variety when you don't have to make a standard recipe and eat it for a week at a time. ;-p

I need to eat better than I am - I've got too much processed junk in my diet now, which is not helping my weight. I'm not huge, don't get me wrong, but I'm not where I want to be. I think more than likely my body has adapted to the level of exercise I've added and is comfortable with the fat reserves I have now so isn't doing a damned thing to get rid of them without some outside prodding, either. I like myself, and I know I'm an attractive and loveable person, but physically I can work to be better, so why shouldn't I?

I often sit and wonder how I got to this point, how I caught this bug to run triathlons, or just to run at all, and where it came from. I was always the pudgy kid in high school, so perhaps fighting against that image of myself drives part of that. The idea of challenging myself to finish these events in a public forum, to "put my money where my mouth is" as it were and show that for all my bluster I really can do these things, is a powerful one for me. I try to set challenging goals and meet them, and that's very important to me, to meet these goals. But why these goals? Why do I want to challenge my body, pushing it past former comfort levels?

03/8/27 6:38 p.m.

Truth be told, I'm not entirely sure. There is a great pleasure to be found in seeing when I'm capable of doing with this body. Watching it reshape itself into something that can go faster than I thought, or farther than I thought, is something amazing in and of itself. The process is one that's infinitely wondrous. Bodies are such awesome things, in the literal sense of the word. We're capable of so much, and I guess I want to see how far I can take this one of mine.

This is all so strange to so many of my friends, that I would willingly submit to such tortures of the flesh just to see that I can, but there I am. I'm certainly my parents, who love me nonetheless, don't entirely understand this impulse, but they allow me to indulge it and don't criticize the urge, for which I'm very grateful. Richard understands some of it, having done a long distance bicycle ride himself this past summer from North Carolina up to New Columbia. I think that helps both him and me, that he understands that urge to challenge yourself to do more. It's such a central part of me now that I don't know that I could live with someone who didn't.

...

03/9/1 11:28 p.m.

Got home okay. I'll write up the race later, but I did make it through the whole thing, with some walking, and under three hours, which was my goal. Not bad for someone who hadn't had a chance to run more than 5 miles in the past four weeks, eh?

I head out to South Carolina tomorrow morning early, and am finishing packing for that now. I'll be fine, I know, but at the moment I'm just feeling tres fat from all the food I had this week at home, and especially today, and I just want to not eat for a while, which is going to be hard in SC. Will have to behave and try to be good. Will run later in the week, I think, and let the kinks work out of my legs first. In any case, has been good to be home for the roughly 13 hours I'll be here before I head out in the morning. ;-)

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Rest from the 13.1 miles yesterday

Entry the Five Hundred and Sixty Ninth

08 September 2003

Moving/Interview

Let's see. Good two weeks off. The race went well and I've not written up the darned race report yet. Ugh. My luggage got back from SC several hours after I did.

The new apartment is still the most awesome apartment in the world. ;-) I'm gradually moving stuff up there, as I did most of this afternoon. Several large pieces are up there now. Utilities switch on the 11th (phone) and the 13th (cable TV and cable modem - yes, Richard is getting us cable TV as well, so I'm being dragged kicking and screaming into the late 20th century there). After that, I'll move myself (bed and clothes) up there. Then come the cats. That's going to be fun.

I'm looking forward to it, though. The new space is great, the cats will love it, and I just want all of it done and moved and OUT OF MY FLOOR! I swear, half of what's left is on the floor now, and it's driving me nuts.

Had a public meeting tonight at which I had to swallow and vote a way I did not want to. I wanted to vote no, but I knew it would piss off a lot of people. Instead (because all of the other folks were voting yes), I abstained to block it from being unanimous without voting against. The not-so-fun side of politics. Other than that, and it lasting too long, was a pretty good meeting.

Oh, and I had the interview with the other Big Government Agency this morning. It went very well, I think, so now's the hurry up and wait part. I was chosen as one of 9 finalists out of 130 applicants (which tells me the economy must suck eggs if 130 people want to do what I do for a living!), so now it's a 1 in 9 chance, provided the political appointees don't get too involved there and decide to muck it all up before the decisions are made. I'm hopeful, but I'm going to keep filling out applications for other positions as well.

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Rest

Entry the Five Hundred and Seventieth

14 September 2003

Moving/Interview 2

Same subject line because that's once again the story of my week this week.

The other Big Government Agency called back and I'm going to a second round interview tomorrow. Seems we went from 130 applicants to 9 interviewees to 3 finalists. So this time it's a short interview with the Mostly Big Boss. I'm very hopeful, but I've been here before, so I'll fill out the pretty-much-sure shot application for this other attorney position in-house as well. I want this job, but I don't want the let-down if it doesn't happen. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

The move is progressing nicely. Friends helped move all of the major (read: heavy) pieces of furniture up to the new place. The cats are getting less skittish, though it'll be a while, of course, before they're entirely good to go. Getting Richard moved in will be the next big test of their fortitude. They'll wander out into the kitchen to get food, and will come sit with me or wander the new windows if I'm out in the living room area, but otherwise they stay in the master suite bathroom/closet area or in the master bedroom.

The view continues to impress. The fog wafting over the trees this morning was just plain gorgeous. Sitting on the edge of the park in the middle of the city has to be one of the best places to be in this place. Too, too cool.

Now if I could just make the rest of the junk in the old apartment appear upstairs by magic. ;-)

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Rest

Entry the Five Hundred and Seventy First

22 September 2003

Moody

03/9/15 8:53 a.m.

The more I move the more it seems there is to move. Natasha has discovered the back closet and its sliding doors, which are similar to the doors on my last bedroom but evidently easier to open. She trapped herself inside it this morning, thankfully while I was still there, and I had to leave it open to avoid that during the day. We've done the "trapped in the closet all day" thing once before, no need to repeat it during the transition.

They've opened up surprisingly quickly, which is a relief. Pretty much the entire master suite is now considered "safe space" to which they can retreat, which is a huge improvement over the first bit when they wouldn't leave the bathroom/closet where the litter box is. This morning they even preceded me into the kitchen, as if to check it out before I started my routine.

...

03/9/16 9:00 a.m.

The interview went well, I think. It was with one of the political appointees, one-on-one. I think I got across that I'd be a good choice for the position and for the office. Hopefully the final decision will be made as quickly as the last one, but we'll see. I'm still excited about the opportunity, and at the prospect of escaping from spreadsheet hell (a prospect which appears all the better here at close-out and year end).

...

03/9/22 8:38 a.m.

I have not been in the mood to write at all of late. Not for lack of happenings, just not felt up to the descriptions thereof.

The move is mostly done. There are a few small items to move up and of course the cleaning to do, but the light at the end of the tunnel is particularly bright now. The two days off with the hurricane helped tremendously with that.

The hurricane had little impact on Richard and I. The power blinked once or twice but never went out. We had some seepage around the seals on the windward windows, but the building provided blankets to sop up the excess, so no worries there. Otherwise it gave us a chance to unpack the kitchen and free some boxes to get more stuff from downstairs.

I think I've caught Richard's cold from last week. ;-P Am all sniffly and whiny feeling this morning. The lack of sleep from my dinner date of last evening spending the night didn't help, either, I'm sure.

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Ran in RCP

Entry the Five Hundred and Seventy Second

23 September 2003

The Beginning of Cold Season

Home today, the whole breathing while dealing with a head cold thing proved to be too much for me last night and sleep was too elusive to head to work. I'll try and rest today so I can make it in the rest of this week, the last full week of the fiscal year. Eeck. Not the time to get sick, but of course we're all stressed at work so our immune systems aren't the best to begin with.

I have to say, I wonder at why we developed the whole snot production thing when it seems to be so counter-productive, at least with regard to allowing the body to rest and recharge the immune system. I can deal with sinus pressure ("humans can withstand any pain, our test is crisis..."), but drain already so I can sleep!

But hey, means I get to lounge around the house in outfits I'd never be caught dead in otherwise (fuzzy moose slippers, black sweatshirt, bright orange sleep pants). ;-p

...

Sleep was elusive, nap-wise. The sudafed was keeping me too wired for it, but I did manage to get in an extra hour before lunch. The new room is overwhelming my poor little humidifier - may have to get a larger model for the new place.

So mainly today was chatting online, vegging in front of "Forbidden Planet" on TMC, and killing monsters on Diablo II. Richard came over and we got Chinese for dinner, so I ate well at least. He was volunteering at the library, so was easy to pop up before he went there.

Sent out the Evite for my birthday party on Saturday the 4th. Looking forward to that, and showing off the new space to everyone. Won't be the official housewarming, but will be a preview before Richard gets all of his stuff out of his old place. I think the housewarming will be the 18th, but not quite sure yet.

Speaking of planning things, I set my large planner up right beside my computer on top of some milk crates I'm still using for shelving. Can't put anything else on it because of the window, so this works well to set it out there and actually use the silly thing at home. I spent enough on it, I haul it back and forth each day, I should use it more!

Anyway, will try to rest tonight and head into the office Wednesday to infect my co-workers get the rest of the year end stuff done.

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Rest

Entry the Five Hundred and Seventy Third

24 September 2003

Elder Brother Counseling

03/9/24 9:13 a.m.

A night of better sleep seems to have helped a lot. Still somewhat clogged, but much better than yesterday. Hopefully that bodes well for a quick recovery. One more really good night of sleep should do wonders.

One reason I was somewhat short on sleep was that my sister-in-law called in a state at about eleven when I was getting ready to crash (finally). My brother is acting weird, and drinking too much of late, and she's understandably concerned. I'm going to give him a call later today and invite him up for the weekend. It sounds like he needs some time away and some older-brother counseling in person. I can use the excuse of finishing the move to drag him up here and spend some time talking with him.

When I suggested to his wife that he probably needs to see a counselor, she said he was concerned about a security clearance. Well, damn, boy, a clearance isn't going to do you any good if you've killed yourself! So, as I said, time for some elder brother face-to-face counseling.

...

10:30 p.m.

Did speak with him today, and he's going to get back to me tomorrow on whether he can come up. I offered to cover food and gas if he needed it.

Work was work. Toward the end the cough sounded pretty awful, and immediately upon leaving work it seemed to lie heavy in the chest, but the next batch of sudafed seems to have lifted that particular little mess. I can inhale fully with no wheeze at the moment, so is better. Am still hoping the speed of this thing indicates it'll burn itself out quickly.

Leftovers and some assorted online browsing were the course of the evening. Richard watched the finale of Big Brother 4 (that bitch won! *grin* - like that tells anyone anything since a. I never watched the show and b. the two finalists were both women and both not particularly nice from the bits I saw). He's zonked out and I'll join him shortly. Soon enough this will be more normal, with him here most nights (when either one of doesn't crave a solitary bed, or a bed with someone(s) else). Not a bad thing to my mind.

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Rest

Entry the Five Hundred and Seventy Fourth

25 September 2003

Stupid Words

Due to a total lack of sleep last night (I was up at 3 a.m. writing budget proposals - thank you sudafed!), I sent off an email where I did not quite totally slam my organization's management for not giving me enough time to do legal research and thereby holding up getting good guidance out on a particularly obnoxious and increasingly used statute.

I only barely refrained from telling the target to go ahead and fire off an email to the director of the headquarters office (which he had threatened to do in a particularly short and nasty email where I was told to respond or else) and while he was at it, make sure he mentioned that it was because of inadequate resources being provided to the budget staff.

This was not a red-letter day for me at work.

And you know what? I don't give a rat's ass.

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Rest

Entry the Five Hundred and Seventy Fifth

26 September 2003

Almost

When I left work finally at 7:40 this evening I was $2,641.81 away from solving what has been one of the biggest pains in my ass at work for the past three years. I brought it home with me, and I will dig through it this weekend looking for the error, but I just couldn't stay any longer.

Felt good to be that close though. Usually it's hundreds of thousands of dollars off, so getting it under $3k was a real achievement. I think the remaining stuff shouldn't be that hard to find, but we'll see. This is where the good logical lawyer skills actually come in pretty handy in the math arena.

Richard had the day off to move more stuff up here to the new place. Got a bunch of boxes up here, napped some with the cats, set some more stuff up, etc. Seemed like a good use of his time when I talked with him.

As is my usual, when I'm sick I don't feel like going out so I hop online to chat and invariably get tons of people sending private messages precisely when I can't do a damned thing. I really should reassess this modus operandi since it also invariably frustrates the hell out of me. It would be better to be on when I'm actually horny and ready to go rather than sniffly and gross feeling. I dare say I can be pretty charming online, so it's not that difficult to get laid.

Not that new boys will be needed all that often with Richard right at hand.

That part of living together is going to be the fun part, when either of us wants to hook up outside of the two of us, or have a date/trick come over. We have separate rooms, but we're going to discuss how to keep from stepping on each other's toes and feelings there.

Am hopeful that I'll perhaps feel up to a short run tomorrow. Or something. I'm going stir crazy here and the worry about my weight and shape doesn't help my overall mood. Vicious cycle, yes, but that's me.

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Rest

Entry the Five Hundred and Seventy Sixth

28 September 2003

Recovering

Did some yoga today, felt good to move the body after so long. I'm not at 100%, and did have to do some sudafed for a particularly nasty cough that developed mid-day, but otherwise have been breathing without aids for the past two days, which is a good thing.

Didn't get to do the whole routine because of time constraints, but what I did get to do was very energizing. Now to get to the point where I can run and hit the gym again.

Managed to fix a work spreadsheet today to account for every dime of a multi-million dollar account. Got it done for one account, applied it to a second account and it worked perfectly without having to go back and double check numbers. I am a very, very happy camper about this. Will mean having accurate numbers which tie back to our accounting system for the first time in the three years I've had this particular account. I can't believe it's taken this long, but given how the account was before I got it, I'm just happy it's completed and I can take a rest from the aggravation of never knowing if the numbers will match.

Let's hope the other Big Government Agency calls soon with a "let's go for it." I'm not cut out for this other stuff. Well, truthfully, I'm pretty good at it, but I don't like doing it. So, I continue to complain and to hope I'll get out soon.

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Yoga