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Entry the Four Hundred and Ninety Fifth08 January 2003 Patrols 03/1/8 9:14 p.m. It's been forever since I wrote, having no time to do much of anything these days. I posted the other day to Livejournal that I was feeling very middle class, what with neighborhood watch patrols twice a week and commissioner duties and what not. As one person said in response, "Screw middle class, you sound like you're straight with 2.3 kids." Indeed. This week has been particularly nuts. I'm in training, but here in DC, so I'm still trying to keep up with emails and voicemails (super queer!), which is nuts. Add to that two patrols, the first commission meeting, heading over to Richard's place tonight, dinner with Roger and Richard Friday in Virginia and a haircut tomorrow. It's too damned much to sustain. Thankfully the patrols are not solely mine; in fact they're mainly organized by someone else, which helps tremendously. Next week I will likely skip at least one as I must get some work done on my contract; it's going far too slow for anyone's taste, most especially my own. I want that out of my hair and the money in my accounts. The puppy moved out on New Year's Day, thank heavens. That was weeks earlier than expected, and he was even back from break earlier than expected. Hooray! Anyway, I'm merely grabbing this moment while Richard plays on TiVo. I'm also playing total geek on the new palm keyboard I got this evening. With a nice flat space on which to work, it's much faster than the stylus. Am glad I got it. Was looking to upgrade my palm as I am using it much more than I had been in ages, but I didn't like the reviews of the ones that were in my price range (sorry, don't need a $500 palm!). So instead I souped up my current IIIx. Not a bad thing to do, and it serves me well. Anyway, I'm outta here. I have to save myself and Richard from "Designs on your..." which is currently featuring Japanese bathrooms. Dear, oh dear.
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Entry the Four Hundred and Ninety Sixth11 January 2003 Cleaning House Closets are amazing things. The collect things, hide them away, keeping junk and treasure alike, letting the owners have no concept until they're opened, cleaned, organized once again. breathe in, breathe out, let go I ripped apart two of my closets today (thus far), dragging old boxes out, bringing things into the light, reorganizing the contents, putting things back that should be stored and not tossed. breathe in, breathe out, let go It didn't start that way. It started wondering whether my second, newer, vacuum cleaner would do a better job than my trusty old Kirby. So out came the Eureka, and to my delight it cleaned the carpet in a fraction of the time the Kirby took, and did a better job. The hardwood floors (the majority of the apartment) were indifferent, but the carpet was amazing. breathe in, breathe out, let go I've avoided using that vacuum because it's one of the major reminders of life with The Ex. When I was in grad school I was expected to keep up in spending, despite having no income, and the vacuum cleaner was one of the last things I bought while with him, because he wasn't happy with how the Kirby did on the carpets for whatever reason. So, instead of him going to get a cleaner, I did, because the Kirby was mine and somehow it was my responsibility to replace it because he didn't like it. I'm likely still paying some amount on one of the cards because of the thing. breathe in, breathe out, let go It went into the closet when I moved in here, escaping from him, and had never really made it back out. It's a much nicer model than the Kirby, with a HEPA filter and all that, but I just couldn't use it. Using the old Kirby was a was to rebel against The Ex and his forced purchasing and my subsequent debt. breathe in, breathe out, let go So, it's out now, and it's going to be used, and memories of The Ex be damned. It's mine, it's not his, and I'll use it as I please. The closet's been opened, the memories dragged to the light, and the bad ones discarded, or at least robbed of their power. I'm better than that man ever will be, and I'll not let him rule me here. breathe in, breathe out, let go ArchivesCleaning; Playful Yoga Practice |
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Entry the Four Hundred and Ninety Seventh12 January 2003 Technology 03/1/12 5:19 p.m. I can't take this anymore!!! I swear, my next computer is going to be an Apple. My computer has been running clean-up routines since 9:30 or so this morning. I run several different maintenance programs automatically during the course of the month, a regular feature of Win98. Every Sunday morning it's supposed to run the defragmentation facility to defrag the hard drive. Fine and dandy, except that every Sunday for the past several weeks it's just hung for hours, the hard drive running and running but nothing happening. So, I decided to check out the reasons why and wherefore. I tried to run some other clean up utilities and they all hung. Tried to shut down some other programs, and they all locked the computer. Finally I booted it in safe mode and ran disk scan on thorough mode. Six and a half hours later, it finally stopped, completed. Then I started the defrag facility, which is still running now. This wouldn't have driven me as nuts as it did save the fact that I have become, it seems, far, far too dependent on it for my entertainment. Couldn't really read because I spent the day baking (orange ginger crisps and chocolate chip cookies), so I watched a documentary on the House of Windsor on PBS. I think I started in the 1920s or 30s and ended in the 70s with the assassination of Lord Mountbatten by the IRA. At that point I couldn't take it anymore and dragged myself away from the TV. It also coincided with the end of scandisk, so I called folks and chatted. Helped some, but wasn't a substitute. I hate feel this dependent, especially on a mere thing, no matter how useful the thing. It has made me very aware of why I don't watch a lot of TV, the advertisements most of all - I could scream from the sheer banality of it all; and could there be more MEAT commercials? I didn't think I would gross out quite so much at the meat commercials. Blech. ... The thing finally quit running sometime around 11 p.m. *dies* I love technology, I hate technology. Archives |
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Entry the Four Hundred and Ninety Eighth19 January 2003 Soup Night #3 13 Guests. (All men.?) 20 Batches of chili. 4 Types of bread. 8 bottles of wine. 4 left over batches of chili. 1/2 a container of cranberry juice, same of OJ. Very, very fun. Thanks to those who could come, my best wishes to those who could not. Hope you can make the next one. :-) ArchivesCleaned, biked to the grocery store, otherwise nothing organized |
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Entry the Four Hundred and Ninety Ninth21 January 2003 Discontented Almost up to 500 entries. 500 in a little more than three years at this time. You'd think I'd have written more. And looking through my archives tonight, I used to write a lot more. Like many things in my life, I've become more passive with this project, more a reader of diaries than a writer. Not what I intended, of course, but it's where I find myself at the moment. I was actually combing the archives because I was looking for instances where I've said I was going to shape up and fly right, and how long that seemed to last. You see, I lost my voice, post-soup night, and it was really, really bothering me that it seemed like I was right back to where I was in the winter of '98/99 when I lost my voice four times in three months. At the time I was dealing with a new job, and relationship stress, and being in a new city without a lot of social outlets, and new allergens, and the combination of stress and allergies just kept screwing with my voice box My doctor and I surmised that, like many people new to DC I had developed some sort of allergy to something or another, and that there was just enough of a problem that it was making me susceptible to colds. The phlegm would drip, just a tad, and that was enough of a gateway to get in a cold, and then the dripping would irritate my throat and cause me to lose my voice. Talking all day long, constantly, didn't help any either (and anyone who knows me in person knows I talk, and talk, and talk...). So we put me on claritin for the duration of one cold, and that helped clear it up faster. Next cold came, I went back on the stuff and it cleared up faster, too. Then I went on it all the time, and that was much better. No more lost voice. The stress was still there, and that was causing its own problems, but the allergen factor was removed. This past year, as I've detailed ad nauseam, I did not take my claritin because of my wretched insurance. I even switched insurance because of the non-coverage, and I've been trying to take the stuff, but I'm not always 100% ever day on it. I hate taking drugs of any sort, so it just irritates me that I have to do this. But do it I must, to help avoid the colds and the voice loss. But that's not been the only thing. I have been feeling more stressed of late, and it's been causing me to revert to behaviors that I'm not particular fond nor proud of. This commission thing is much more work than I expected. Important, exciting at times, but very time consuming. I've got this contract for the other Big Government Agency and that's going so slow I might as well be peddling backwards. Work has been annoying because of the "is he moving, is he not" thing and my promotion eligibility (though the promotion, at least, seems like it's going forward). My relationships aren't a stressor this time around, thankfully, so at least that's not there along with the rest. To some degree, things fell apart after the 11th of September, in that I started taking caffeine again on an intermittent basis to help cope with sleep I wasn't getting because of the events and the associated stress (and let no one tell you that DC wasn't freaked out by this - just because we didn't have the collapse doesn't mean we don't see ourselves as any less of a target, and having that reality brought home with the hit on the Pentagon was a nightmare). Two injuries over the past two years had sidelined my running (no races since October 2000!), and it seemed, as I said last December, that every time I felt like I was getting back up and together, I did something stupid that smacked me right back to the beginning ("No, he [Sisyphus] can be happy because he accepts his fate. I think I'm an existentialist. I really do." Thank you, Parker). And here I am again. Voice gone. Weight going up, in a slow but steady increase. Stamina gone (and, to some degree, my libido with it). Busier than ever, by my own design. Still in the same place, same job, not moving. My inertia commands me to stay put, and, fool that I am, I obey it. I don't want this. Any of it. I want to be healthy, and horny, and not worrying about my job status, and making my neighborhood nicer by being the peacemaker on the commission, and all of that. I want to not be frustrated at everything I see of my own making in my own life. I want to get things right, damn it, and not this mess I've been creating out of myself the past year or so. Archives |
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Entry the Five Hundredth22 January 2003 Flow Was in the flow tonight at home, was not in the flow at work. ;-) Oh well, at least it worked in one place. Paid bills tonight. Have to say I do not like the new Quicken 2003 so far. It's klugey, it doesn't work well when there are other programs running (it doesn't like to run at all when Eudora is open) and it insists on not wanting to connect to my bank properly. Not that I can call the bank at the moment and get that fixed, either, but hey, that's what the weekend is for, no? But bills are paid, so that headache is done. Never as bad as I expect it to be, but I dread it nonetheless, so is always a relief when it's done. Moderate dinner, too large a lunch, no breakfast. Had no appetite this morning (nor much of one tonight), so I didn't eat. Not going to force myself at this point. It's not like I don't have reserves built in. *ppphhhbbbttt* Rented Final Fantasy again and watched that (couldn't find anything else that excited me, and I didn't want to sit in front of the computer monitor all evening again). Could have read, I suppose, but I liked the mindlessness of watching a familiar movie. Work, on the other hand, was a mess. Too many messages, email and otherwise, to catch up on. Too much to do, so tomorrow I segment it all and try to get pieces done in a triage effort. Not that much hasn't been triage the past two years with us being short-staffed, but it goes on, somehow. I refuse to stay late, though. I don't have the energy to devote more than I do to them, and keep from killing myself from the stress. Work stays at work, and there it should remain, with few exceptions. So, no big huge "500th" entry. Just the normal, everyday stuff. I think I complained enough in the last post, and today really wasn't that bad, aside from the still-gone voice. So, to normalcy then, and let it all get back to a semblance thereof. Archives |
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Entry the Five Hundred and First26 January 2003 Fired up Thank heavens colds don't last long. This one is almost dead, and it was dead enough to let me run today. Voice is still not 100%, but it's much, much better. Spent the night at Richard's place last night, so got to get up and head to coffee this morning. No coffee for moi, but did have a steamer (soy milk steamed with flavoring) and a bagel with peanut butter. Probably could have done without the PB, but I wanted to not feel hungry later, and that worked (a little bit of protein helps stave off hunger...). Was good to get out and see the boys. I think I've been conspicuously absent from many of their events of late and that's never a good thing. Attended the mayor's crime forum yesterday. That was certainly an eye opener. I think most people must go through their lives blissfully ignorant of the crime that goes on around them until their confronted with it pretty starkly. I know I certainly was, and I always considered myself pretty worldly when it came to such things. Crime maps, and statistics and what not are readily available, and most of it is pretty scary stuff. The good thing about the forum was getting to meet other neighbors throughout the city who have been doing this for ages and who have good tips on getting things together with neighborhood watch, and orange hat patrols, and block captains and the like. We have the orange hats, and I want to get a watch and captains together and help the police cut down on this mess in the neighborhood. They offer training, and I want all that we can get. So yeah, I suppose I did get fired up by the forum. They kept predicting snow all afternoon here in the city and I've not seen a lick of it yet. Not that I'm complaining, mind you! It was a lovely day to go running, and I'm glad I was able to take advantage of that. It has gotten cloudier here this evening (it's quarter 'til 5 and the clouds have rolled in and blocked the sun entirely), but no sign of snow yet. It'll probably start up just in time for walking to Lawrence's place this evening. ;-) Archives |
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Entry the Five Hundred and Second27 January 2003 Not Supposed To Be The Big Boss likes to throw you curve balls. Just when you go in to discuss with him a point on something he wanted to see, he decides to throw about five other angles your way to see what you can make of them. Ugh. Will make me a busy man, but not immediately. I have other things to work on besides this one project of his. One more week until our next commission meeting, and the emails are fling, fast and furious. Decisions to be made and things to bring up and all that. I'm still trying to decide how to report on this crime forum. We'll see. No real "insights" to report today. No deep thoughts, no major revelations into my psyche. Just an average, busy day at work, a cold day outside, and 3/4 of my laundry done this evening (towels and sheets will be done later this week). Whee. No progress on the project, but did manage to stave off hunger with clementines instead of candy. This is a good thing, and small steps count. Bought a box of them when at the grocery store getting pizza supplies with Lawrence yesterday, so am dragging them in to work with me in the hopes of not eating quite as badly as I have been. More fruit, less sugar. So far, so good. I do want to reverse this junky eating pattern, and the associated weight gain. I'm a vegan, we're not supposed to be fat. ;-) Archives |
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Entry the Five Hundred and Third31 January 2003 Busy/Calmer/Soup 03/1/28 8:55 a.m. Busy time of year. I'm not sure if there is ever a "not busy" time of year, but this time is particularly fun. I think I'm processing it pretty well, though, and not letting it all overwhelm me. Plug away bit by bit and don't just shut down from the sheer volume. Need to clean my desk, though, and get things back into order there so stuff can be found to be done. The week out earlier this month did not help the state of things. Oh well, it'll all get done eventually. side note: I'm so glad I don't drive regularly; the way people drive is therefore amusing (in a shake-your-head-and-wonder-how-they-got-a-license kind of way) rather than irritating. ... 03/1/31 9:04 am Went running again this morning. I feel much calmer for having done so, as usual. Should be easier to tackle work in such a mood. It certainly was easier to tackle commission business. I managed to get out a long email summarizing my position on a variety of issues which have cropped up this past week. Was good to get that stuff off my chest and out in the open. ... Was interrupted there by the arrival of a friend of mine on the bus, so I talked the rest of the way in rather than writing. This evening is a quiet one. I've caught up on mail, am now spending some time chatting with folks on gay.com and AIM. Invited a couple more people to Soup Night this upcoming month. On that front, I bought another cookbook (my poor shelves), this one full of recipes for vegetarian soups. I've spotted a couple of nice looking ones (Italian vegetable with gnocchi), so will have to try those out in the upcoming weeks. Gotta find something before the date, so I'm sure Richard and others will be sampling with me. ;-) Oh, and I took some more face pics and uploaded them this evening. Should have cleaned the bathroom mirror, first, but hey, they're still good. *grin* Archives |
