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Entry the Four Hundred and Sixth03 February 2002 Comebacks From the end of the party last night (paraphrased): I knew him long before you did, There is a thin line between that sort of bitchy banter among friends that gay men do so well and out and out rudeness. To my mind, this one crossed that line. It bothered me, briefly, as we walked out the door, but I quickly brushed it off. I'm used to people not understanding who I am and how I live my life, and comments like that usually won't bug me for long. What did begin to bug me, however, was the effect the comment had on Richard (the "him" in the above quote). The comment seemed to bother him, both last night and some this morning. After dropping him off at his church, I went down to the coffee his friends have on Sunday mornings, hoping I'd see the speaker, who wasn't there. What I really wanted to say to him this morning was: I really don't care what you say to me personally, how rude you are to me, or how much you disagree with the arrangement that Richard and I have. What I do expect, however, is that you'll respect Richard's feelings and his judgment. To say what you said last night in front of him was inappropriate. It wasn't cute, it wasn't funny, it was simply rude. To pull a friend aside to express your doubts to him is one thing, to publicly deliver what was, in effect, a verbal slap in the face like that is another entirely. I don't think you'd pull something like that in front of another friend and his boyfriend if they were in a monogamous relationship, and I don't expect you to treat Richard that way with regard to our relationship, either. I'm going to be polite to this person, as I would with any other, but I think it may take a bit before I find myself feeling friendly toward him, which is the second most annoying thing about the whole incident (the first being having to watch Richard afterward). I seldom feel like I deal with people who are openly hostile toward me, so to do so is an odd thing. I trust people at their word. I may take that word with a grain of salt at times, but I try to give folks the benefit of the doubt. It's hard to feel that way, though, when someone has basically said, "I don't like you, I don't like what you're doing with my friend, and I'm just waiting around until I can pull out an 'I told you so' and show my friend that you were the wrong guy for him, and that this whole polyamory thing will never work.". In a way, it reminds me of an incident with my father. One time, while living with The Ex, my father called looking for me (I was out, probably at school). Instead of asking the usual polite pleasantries, he merely asked The Ex, "Where is my son." Not, "Hi." Not, "How are you?" But, "Where is my son?" I found out about it through another friend; The Ex hadn't wanted to tell me. Next time I spoke with my father, I gave him holy hell over it. I pointed out that he wouldn't have said something like that to my (straight) brother's girlfriend/wife/fiance, and that I expected he would treat my partner with equal respect. He never pulled anything like that again. And, you know, if I'm not willing to put up with such behavior from my own family, I'm certainly not going to tolerate it from people with whom I voluntarily associate. Archives |
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Entry the Four Hundred and Seventh04 February 2002 Cleaning The cats, my own precious little beasties, decided that I was going to stay home and clean this evening rather than go to the ANC meeting tonight. How, pray tell, was this communicated to me? They puked all over the bathroom rug. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!! So, rather than venture back out into the cold for a meeting, I ventured out to get litter, came home, put towels and rug in the washer, vacuumed, changed the litter, and made muffins. Not bad for an evening at home that was supposed to be spent sitting listening to the latest on the single-serve alcohol ban. The rides to and from work today went well, with the exception of my toes. I shall have to find something more wind-proof to ride in if I want to avoid getting as near to frostbite as I did this evening. The old running shoes, which are of course built for maximum ventilation, since you sweat like mad when you run, just aren't cutting it for winter riding. I'm sure the fact that it was snowing lightly on the way home didn't help. :-p And NRJTM is calling me a pansy 'cause I don't want to buy $80 Goretex booties to cover my feet. :-p Silly man Anyway, I think it's off to bed here soon. Gotta get up and freeze myself in the morning with a nice run, even if I didn't get into the 10 miler lottery. :-) Archives |
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Entry the Four Hundred and Eighth10 February 2002 Potluck The potluck last night went very well. The guests got along wonderfully, the food was great, and the place looked wonderful (two days of cleaning will do that!). I took Friday off to clean (the cats didn't know what to do with me!), shop, etc. Did a tad more of that on Saturday, getting the last of the vacuuming done, the litter changed, the last shopping completed, etc. All said and done, it was very fun. There were several lessons learned from the potluck, though, and I think I'll list them here for future reference:
... Spent most of today finishing off leftovers, actually. Stuffed myself before the run, then nibbled on Lawrence's salad (spinach, grapefruit, blueberries, red onion, pine nuts, dressing - to die for!). Run went well, the day was nice and lazy. Things have gradually made their way out of the closets into which they were shoved, but hopefully are still a tad more together than they were earlier. Archives |
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Entry the Four Hundred and Ninth17 February 2002 Quicken/Running Haven't written much, which usually means I'm either ruminating over something or just keeping myself far too busy for my own good. I think it's been the latter. ;-) Finally got myself measured for the tuxedo for my brother's wedding next month. While at the mall I picked up Pocket Quicken for my Palm. So far I'm very pleased with it. It takes the transactions you enter and treats them like the ones you download from your bank - you can either match them to existing transactions or make them new transactions. Either way it's easier, especially for my Cash account, than using the awful "expense" feature that comes with the PalmOS, and no double entry, just point and click once you synchronize the two programs. So continues my march toward über-Geekdom. ;-) ... Seems I only update the days I do my long runs these days. :-p Did manage to go on a long run this afternoon, which is a good thing. I've not been doing enough other base runs during the week, past a "placeholder" run in the middle of the week, but the weekend long runs seem to keep doing well. I want to keep gearing up toward longer distances, so the long runs on the weekends will continue. Did try to kill my ankle again about 8 minutes out (eeck!), but it wasn't bad. Visions of last year's crutches passed through my mind, horrifying me, of course. Definitely don't want a repeat of that. I was much more careful where I put my feet after that. Will try to get in a short run tomorrow, since we're off. That should help somewhat. And maybe get in a bike ride in the afternoon if it looks nice out. Just call me cardio man. Aside from spending far too much time at work on Friday when I didn't feel well (caffeine withdrawal from the 2-3 decafs I had this past week?), it was an uneventful week. The boys are, as always, far too good to me. *sigh* I suppose I shouldn't be so negative. I know my strengths, and I know some of the reasons why they put up with me, but hey, why have a diary if you can't get angsty in it, no? :-p Whatever. Time to get ready for dinner, and to pray I don't overeat yet again. :-p Archives |
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Entry the Four Hundred and Tenth22 February 2002 Training/Angst Well, after that fabulous long run on Sunday, and the okay run on Monday, I managed to hit a rock and sprain my ankle on Wednesday. Grrrr! Did call in to work and tell them I was not coming in, stayed home and rested, which has meant a world of difference from when I did this last year this time. No crutches, though walking is still annoying in the air cast. Better than the alternative (no movement!), though. So, other than that, the week was a mess. Out Monday for the holiday, in Tuesday for work, out Wednesday for the ankle, in yesterday, out today for training. Whee! Training today was actually quite good. I had spotted a thing in the Washington Blade that listed a course on "HIV/AIDS Attorney Advocacy" training. Called to inquire, it sounded good (and offered Continuing Legal Eduction [CLE] credits!), so asked the boss to take off. She's a CPA, which professional evidently also needs continuing education, so she agreed readily. Cooley. The course was put on by the DC Bar Pro Bono section and the Whitman Walker Clinic. It was very well done, they covered a number of areas, quelled a lot of fears, put some other things in perspective, and otherwise did a good job teaching us the basics. They have a good mentoring program with experienced attorneys (certainly not something I ever got in my Big Government Agency!), so I look forward to taking a case or two once I can work into the intake process. I did public benefits law in law school, so I have a passing familiarity with many of the issues already. The most frightening part of the training was a presentation by an Assistant Professor at one of the local nursing schools on the effects of HIV/AIDS and the treatments therefore. How anyone could take any risks, knowingly, after having one of these talks is beyond me. The good news is, we have treatments. The bad news is, they're only partially successful in many people and the side effects can be just dreadful. Imagine taking drugs that make you nauseous, nervous, lose weight, diarrhea, lose feeling in your extremities, etc. My favorite one was the one that causes most people taking it to have nightmares every night they were on it, most often of feeling like you spent the entire night running away from someone dreadful that was just on the verge of catching you. *shudder* I was slowly growing sick to my stomach just contemplating it all. And this would be your life for the entirety of what was left of it. What a horribly depressing thought. And this was the immediately post-lunch presentation. Thankfully it was followed by several other legal things to get out of it, but that's the truth and entirety of what these people are living with just on a physical level, much less the reasons why the need lawyers (discrimination, immigration, credit counseling, public benefits, insurance, etc.). The strength required to navigate all of this must be quite a lot. And so I cast my free time in with this, to some degree, to make some small effort to help. I have, of course, heard lots of this before; as a queer man who's had multiple HIV tests I couldn't possibly not have heard at least some of this. But I don't think I'd had it described in day to day terms of what the consequences meant, and where I would fit into the process, professionally. I mean, I know what goes on for many of these people in the public benefits area because I've represented many clients before the state of Missouri's Family Services hearings officers, and a couple in front of disability hearings officers for the Social Security Agency as well (unlike the welfare cases, which were hit and miss, I won both of my SSA cases). It's like something finally clicked to put me into what was happening, and knowing that I could do something that would make a definite difference, and do it by utilizing my professional credentials, not just putting in blind labor with little to no knowledge of what I was really doing. I think that's one of the things that has bothered me most about my current job. While I am performing a useful service, and I'm doing, I think, a lot of good inside my organization, and the organization is doing a lot of good (and, well, not so good) things, I don't see the effects of my labors. So much of my job involves telling people "no" on things, which is the correct answer, but not necessarily the most useful. I do occasionally find ways for them to do something creative, but I never see the results of what I'm doing. It's exceedingly frustrating, and not terribly fulfilling. My hope is, then, that I'll do some good, both to my prospective clients, and for myself. Being able to practice my chosen profession and see exactly what's happening for clients, knowing they'll be more at ease because we were able to help them with their estate/will, or that we got them insurance (or kept their insurance), or got them public benefits, seems like something that's almost too good to believe. I don't kid myself, this won't be easy (it wasn't in Missouri, either). The clients won't understand all that you're asking of them, they want to assert their independence when you most need them to be helpless, and vice versa. They may not bring in the right paperwork, or call you back, or tell you the truth, or any number of other things that can go wrong. C'est la vie, no? I'm willing to deal with it, it means too much to me, and to them. Archives |
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Entry the Four Hundred and Eleventh25 February 2002 Itch Remember when you were a little kid and you'd have a scratch or something that started to scab over and it would itch like crazy? And Mom told you not to scratch it, but you really, really wanted to? So you did your best to leave it alone, but for the occasional cleaning, or staring at it (scabs were fascinating as a kid, weren't they?)? This thing is going to drive me nuts. Got a new piercing on Friday. No, I didn't mention it then 'cause I was still too bound up in the whole training course thing and wanted to write about that instead. It's healing well, better than the nipples ever did, but today it's hitting that itchy stage of healing, which is really annoying, 'cause it's not like it's socially acceptable to be scratching your crotch every five minutes. Boxers help - it's not all bound up in the undies, and rubbing up against something constantly, but my general dislike of boxers is kicking in (I much prefer boxer briefs - the support of briefs coupled with the slightly longer legs on boxers - the best of both worlds!). But the itching is still there, quietly following me through the work day. "When would you like that report?" ("When can I escape to the bathroom?!?!") Sometimes it's more demanding that others, so my ability to ignore things while pretending to pay attention to co-workers is getting a workout. This is definitely the most distracting phase of healing. Given the good overall progress thus far (I actually managed to jack off tonight! It took a good week before I'd try out the PA when I got that), I'm encouraged that it'll go well, and that it'll go quickly. I just hope the itchiness passes quickly. Until then, I'll be the one trying hard not to wiggle. Archives |
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Entry the Four Hundred and Twelfth28 February 2002 Ties I almost forgot my bow tie. My brother is getting married this weekend, and I'm headed down to the parent's place for the ceremony. I'm the best man (lucky me!), so will be all tuxedo'd up and what not. Didn't want to forget my own actually needs to be tied bow tie (I typed that first as "boy tie") so I can wear that instead of the silly thing they give you at the rental place. I'll be glad when this is all over, truth be told. I'm glad he's getting married, I like his fiancee, I hate traveling home most times. The parental units are going through their own marriage difficulties, and we'll all have to play nice this weekend, which is always a lovely strain. This on top of finding out that I did not get the job with the other Big Government Agency that I was hoping for. I called them, and so got a very nice conversation, as opposed to just getting the form letter (which arrived later that afternoon - 4 days after it was mailed from downtown; I so love the continuing anthrax-related mail delays). Not my week. The piercing is healing, as is my ankle. I won't be up to running for another couple of weeks, but at least I'm walking around normally rather than all bound up in the air cast. I guess this is just a bitchy entry. Oh well, I'm in a semi-bitchy mood. :-p I head out in about an hour to the train station for shopping, picking up my tickets, hopping on the train, and then down to home. Archives |
