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Entry the Three Hundred and Eighty Eighth02 December 2001 Cycles I think I have spotted/recognized/realized one of my cycles. I get myself in order, I get my sleep, my exercise, I get to feeling better about myself, then I decide, because I'm feeling very good, to go out with friends, drink some, drink a tad too much, and blow the whole cycle until I get things back in order, post-drinking. You see, once I get my sleep and exercise in order, my body feels much, much better than the 'norm' without the two of those. I have much more energy, I don't 'need' caffeine to get going, I know I'm keeping my weight in check without major tweaks to my diet (though the diet tends to fall into place on its own when the rest of it's there), and I just feel much more in control of things. That feeling of control seems to be key to my own feeling of well being. When I have things in order, I feel better. And when I feel better (here comes the paradox) I feel I can let up on some of the controls, which includes drinking. I've always had a love/hate relationship with alcohol. I don't binge drink so regularly or with such necessity that I'd ever consider myself an alcoholic, but I do tend to go through this cycle of boom/bust with my health that seems to involve alcohol a tad too much for my own comfort. A part of that problem is that, well, drinking alcohol feels so damned good. That early buzz, when things are just starting to feel good and you get gregarious and friendly and amorous and what not is such a cool feeling. The difficulty is staying at that feeling, not going past it to the feeling dizzy and then feeing like crap the next morning, whether from the dehydration, the lack of sleep or both. Luckily the cycle this past week was a mini cycle, quickly corrected; went out with Doug and LDCS Thursday for dinner and then drinks at Omega, which in and of itself was a very good thing, but which led me to take a tad too much beer into my system - again my feeling good and letting myself 'let loose' while at a bar. I had Friday evening off, so I chilled and then made up for the things Saturday and today with some good exercise (bike ride to Hain's Point and back yesterday, really good 5k run today). So this week's cycle was small, but was still the usual cycle. I suppose what it indicates to me is that I have to be more strict with myself, even when I feel good. I can handle alcohol with meals, but the bars are a tad harder. It's just so bloody easy to go get another drink while there, just walk up to a bartender and get another, as opposed to flagging down a waiter and having another from them. Ah well, the exercise in self-control will continue. At least I recognize the cycle now, so perhaps I can try to alter/break it now. Archives |
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Entry the Three Hundred and Eighty Ninth03 December 2001 Knees/License/Projects I used to think running was going to do in my knees. The constant pounding on pavement day in and day out can't be the best for them, after all, since they were designed, in general, for softer surfaces than asphalt and concrete. I have found something much, much more insidious, however, that I am convinced is going to be what actually kills them once and for all: changing the litter box. You see, the little darlings' litter box is located, since I am in a one bedroom apartment, in the bathroom. Under the bathroom sink, in fact, beside the toilet. This makes it very, very easy to scoop said litter into said toilet, since I made the wonderful discovery of flushable litter with this batch of kittens. What this means, though, is that I get to squat down next to the sink and toilet for several minutes each morning and evening and scoop. The squatting down seems to be fine, and my knees do not protest while I'm scooping, but woe unto me when I attempt to get up! Thankfully the counter and toilet provide nice hand holds for leveraging myself out of that position. Makes me dread ever getting back to Taiwan and the squat toilets there. ... Nice crowded swearing in ceremony for Doug today. He's now an officially licensed attorney. Hooray! We went to dinner with RE after the ceremony, which was very nice. The courtroom was packed, with people flowing out the door and around the corner. It was a much shorter ceremony than Virginia's, thankfully, but very nice nonetheless. I'm getting some progress made on a big project at work that's been bugging me now for a bit, which is a very, very good thing. With the grand jury duty it's been difficult to get a lot of stuff done, so the quality time this morning was a pleasant change in the routine of playing catch up that I've had the last two weeks. Skipping the grand jury tomorrow because of a meeting, so perhaps I'll stay caught up for at least a few more days. Archives |
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Entry the Three Hundred and Ninetieth04 December 2001 Late 01/12/5 9:03 a.m. Running waaaay late this morning, but bringing my lunch in so I can make up the time there. Just didn't want to get up, but insisted on getting a run in this morning anyway. It was a good speedwork run, much better than the last time I attempted some speedwork. I suppose I simply have to play with the settings on the heart rate monitor and gauge my progress less by someone else's ideas of the limit ranges and more by my own of what feels like a workout. Doug was over last night for a mostly vegan meal last night. Would've been totally there but for brownies I made (which we didn't actually eat) that required eggs. Was a mushroom sauce that turned out very well, if a tad sweet, and some sundried tomato bread that will require some tweaking the next time I make it (needed salt, and less oil). Mushrooms seems to have become my latest culinary task, by default, after the broiled portabellos I made the other day. I go through these discoveries, slowly adding more things to the repertoire. This will be a good addition - they were inexpensive and very tasty. I haven't gone dancing in a while. I think perhaps it's getting to be time to head back to that. Archives |
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Entry the Three Hundred and Ninety First07 December 2001 Changes Lovely day out. NOT! It's rainy, icky, and has only gotten progressively colder as the day has worn on. Not that I've been outside, but for my run this afternoon, but still, it's the principle of the thing. Especially after the weeks of 60s/70s weather here at the end of November, beginning of December. We were spoiled. It's still not going to be really cold, but it appears that the 70s are finally done for the year. So the past month and a bit have definitely been for some changes. I went to the gym (twice) this week for the first time in five months (eeck!). Running is going well and a tad more regular. My weight is still too high for what I want, but so be it - as long as the waist stays the same size. :-p I have three wonderful men in my life. The kittens have settled into their routine (eat, sleep, annoy the human). Life is going along nicely. And, best of all, I got a call yesterday from the other Big Government Agency to whom I sent an application for an attorney advisor position. They want me for an interview. *snoopy dance* YES!!!!! I soooo want this job. So, life seems to be going well at the moment. I hope it stays this way for a bit. Archives |
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Entry the Three Hundred and Ninety Second08 December 2001 Debt Ever want to really, truly scare yourself? Take all your debts - credit cards and student loans - and put them into Quicken. *shudder* It was, um, instructive. I've not been a good money manager at all for most of my life. I have a considerable amount of debt left from my student loans and lots of consumer debt left from living with and escaping from The Ex (though not all is from that - I can't blame him entirely, though a good chunk of it is from that period). The most instructive part of the whole thing was seeing the interest rates on these things. OH MY GOD! I have one card that borders on usury, I kid you not. This was one that started at a low rate with my bank years ago, then my bank merged with another in the past two years and the new entity farmed it out to a third party and I suppose the third party jacked up the rates considerably, like almost double the original rate. We shall have a conversation about this if my bank wants to keep my business. They're not that convenient to my life at the moment anyway, so a good talking to is in order, about that and about several other things they could be doing for me. So, we have a plan to get rid of some of these things. That, it seems, is going to be the next phase of "taking care of myself" - getting rid of these things for once and all, which looks a tad better now that I have a better picture of where they all are. So, one more step to getting everything together. Archives |
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Entry the Three Hundred and Ninety Third12 December 2001 Interview/Holidays/Leave I have to say that I love the song Control by Puddle of Mud. It's so me. ;-) ("I love the way you look at me... I love the way you slap my ass... I love the dirty things you do... when I have control of you...") Long, long week, and an even longer one approaching. I have my interview with the other Big Government Agency on Tuesday (eeck!), and I'm actually pretty calm about it. I think I'm pretty good at selling myself, and the reminders from Mr. Bolles' What Color Is Your Parachute? are extremely useful, as always. I just wish it were done and over with already! I hope their background check process isn't too long. ;-) Other than that I have three holiday lunch parties this week, Monday, Wednesday and Thursday (yes, even the grand jury is doing a holiday party thing! LOL!), then home to the parental units' place this upcoming weekend, returning to DC on Tuesday the 25th, to work the rest of that week. Shouldn't be bad, but it will be a tad hurried. And I sooooooo look forward to the end of this holiday season. My friends aren't the type to give a lot of parties during the year, so they seem to save up and have one big party over the winter holidays. Feh. Enough already. Although it does inspire me to attempt a party this February or so (but then again, I've said that before and it didn't seem to happen then, unfortunately - I'm just too lazy when it comes to trying to get something like that together ;-). We'll see. Might have to enlist the help of Doug and LDCS if I attempt such a thing. I have the largest space of the three of us, so perhaps a combined party? Dunno, but it'll have to wait until after the immediate winter holidays are well done and over with, in any case. Doug and I got the majority of our Christmas shopping done yesterday, thankfully. I still have at least two more gifts to get, but I know what I'm doing for those, so no pressure there. Even managed to remember to get Mom her two gifts (her birthday is early January). Am glad to have that mess done and over with as well. The holidays just seem to be one big long mess of obligations in which I don't always want to participate, but I do, out of the social pressure to conform. Ah well, peer pressure works as well on you at 29 as it did at 14. ;-) ... Placed a new picture, one LDCS took of me on Wednesday, up on the pics page. ... Lawrence is a tad under the weather, so tonight's date was pretty low-key, just some light dinner at Raku, then home to let him recuperate. Did do some shopping, tried to find the Puddle of Mud CD (Melody didn't have it in stock - grrr!), and got a new book, Living Among Meat Eaters: The Vegetarian's Survival Handbook. Hehehehe. The book looks good so far. I've been pretty good this year - no major colds thus far (knock on wood!). Hopefully that will continue, as I like seeing double digits on my sick leave hourly balance. ;-) Hell, let's try for triple digits! I know there are people in my organization with literally 4-500 hours built up in sick leave. Now, they've been there for way more years than I have, but still, 500 hours? Do these people never get ill? Ugh. And speaking of leave, I hit my three year anniversary at the end of the last pay period, so the one that ended yesterday sees me earning six hours of annual leave every two weeks instead of four. Woo-hoo! That means twenty days of vacation a year instead of thirteen. Not that I've taken any days in ages, it seems, since my leave balance was up in the 50-hour range when I looked to plan time off this holiday (normally I'm scrambling to see any available leave here at the holidays). Was quite a pleasant change to have available days if I want to take off for more time. I don't see how people build up the "use or loose" stuff (we can only carry over about 240 hours from one calendar year to the next) - if I had that much I'd simply arrange to have every Friday off one summer and enjoy constant three day weekends. Archives |
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Entry the Three Hundred and Ninety Fourth25 December 2001 Endings The weekend was a good visit home. Just enough time (three nights) to see them, have a good time with them, and not get on everyone's nerves. This may become the rule - three nights and no more! *grin* The past couple of weeks were pretty good. I started a new weight routine that should help with my running (it's designed to help emphasize muscles needed while running for balance, etc.). It certainly had my thighs and ass sore enough the first week of it! Am hoping that can help fill in on those morning when I just don't feel like throwing on tights and running in the cold. Traveling with Doug was, as always, very easy and comfortable. He's a wonderful companion, and his family is very supportive of he and his. Unfortunately. several relatives of mine and/or Doug's had colds of various types, and I can feel my own body beginning to fight something off. The orgy of food, much of it not so hot for my little body, takes its toll as well. Came home and made a nice simple beans and rice dish, which may end up being dinner tomorrow with LDCS instead of the planned time out with his friends; he got mugged tonight on the way to one set of friends' house, and I think a night in with some reassurances and what not in a smaller setting might be in order. One thing the time at home did was cement a desire to avoid meat and animal products in my diet. I don't need them, I can get all of my nutrition without them, and I find myself less and less willing to participate in the meat industry. I already avoid dairy and beef products, and I'm finding more and more ways to substitute for eggs in other things, which was about the only other thing I couldn't seem to eliminate - their role as binder and thickener in things is one that's pretty necessary in lots of baking, but with a good substitute the same effect can be achieved without using an actual egg. I just don't want or need these things in my system, and I think it's time to be more strict with what I put in me and with what I participate. This does not need be done in a rude, or pushy, or obnoxiously proselytizing way, but quietly, and insistently. Slips are not to be circumstances where I punish myself, but rather just that - a momentary slip which does not continue. Archives |
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Entry the Three Hundred and Ninety Fifth30 December 2001 Anti-Social The thing I hate most about having a stomach that seems to go off at the smallest thing is that when it does, it brings out the most antisocial and nasty feelings in me. That bit of discomfort is so overwhelming that I just want to shut out the world and be a hermit until it goes away. Unfortunately, my life does not often allow such moments - I schedule a fairly full social life, and with balancing three boyfriends the downtime needed to get away from the world sometimes isn't there. I dragged myself over to Doug's place last night, despite feeling like I wanted to throw things, scream at the world and generally act like a spoiled brat. I actually did indulge in some screaming in between phone calls from Doug about coming over (and about trying to coordinate activities with various friends of his who are in town this weekend). At one point I was attempting to take the trash out, the phone rang, I ran to pick it up, the trash fell over (rice everywhere - really nasty), I gave him a very curt, "I'll call you back in a moment" and hung up on him. I then proceeded to curse the ancestry of every bit of garbage in my bag as I picked rice off the floor (thank heavens for my Pampered Chef scraper - it gets stuff off the floor as easily as it does off a cutting board - LOL!). It was quite cathartic, actually. Not helpful for my screwed up digestive system, but cathartic, nonetheless. Once over there, we got some dinner, played some gin rummy (hooray! I love gin rummy - used to play it all the time with my first real boyfriend in college), then crashed. I begged out of brunch this morning, still not feeling up to dealing with (other) people. Came home and dragged a ton of shit out of my cabinets and closets (whee). I found my "Black Moose Ranger" running top, so I feel a tad more prepared for winter running now. I also threw out a ton of boxes that weren't necessary, things left from the "but if I need to ship something..." or "but this is only a temporary apartment and I'll need it to repack things to move..." days. I'm not moving, I'm not shipping things (and if I am I can afford a box!). So, more closet space. Also moved the luggage so I don't have to rip out half the closet in order to get to it (why I put it in the far corner I have yet to grasp - I always had to move so much crap just to get at it). The cats have been most amused at all the moving, especially since it meant closets which are not normally open were available for (limited) inspection. They're still recovering from moving the living room furniture around, too. Supposed to go to dinner tonight with a ton of friends, but I'm not sure I'm up to the task. I'm still feeling fairly antisocial at the moment. Might be better by evening, so we'll see, but until then, I'm planning on an easy night in with the only person upon whom I feel an unqualified right to inflict these feelings - myself. Archives |
