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Entry the Three Hundred and Seventy Seventh02 November 2001 Grounded/Ungrounded 01/11/2 8:09 a.m. Decided to head in a tad early this morning as I have a massive spreadsheet to build today. Stayed home yesterday to recover from Wednesday's debaucheries. The day of off and on sleep felt good, though I'm not quite yet at 100%; one more good night of sleep is needed for that, I think. I'm close to being able to cut the caffeine back out entirely, though I'll have some decaf to get me through today just in case. No sense adding withdrawal to the mix as well. The other thing I did yesterday was have dinner with a gentleman with whom I've been conversing via email for not quite a week now. It went very well, we talked for hours on end, had a really good dinner, got to explore each other's similarities and differences. We're calling it a "meeting" rather than a date, though I strongly suspect (hope for?) we'll be setting up a proper date in the not so distant future. ... 01/11/2 5:38 p.m. On the way home. Got to see Doug at lunch, then wander through the National Museum of Art's Sculpture Garden with him. Gorgeous day today (is it really November? With highs in the 70s?), perfect for being outside. "The day you knew would arrive/is here, you'll survive..." (Evita) I finally got the call to report as an active grand juror next week. No more alternate status for me! So for the next two months I'll potentially be serving there two days a week. Whee! Lots of email back and forth with Doug and the other gentleman (I really should give him a nickname - LDCS) over the course of the day. I'm such an email junkie, it's by far my preferred method of communication since it allows me time to reflect on word choice, grammar, mood, etc. I'm by no means an unaccomplished speaker, but to get the message just right, I prefer to write it out. Which is likely why I so love writing this journal as well. One of these days I do want to seriously look into a Ph.D. in Rhetoric, as I have ever been fascinated by the way people construct arguments. ... Back home again. The massive spreadsheet from this morning turned out to be a pussycat to build, just time consuming to put in the data. Scary how facile I'm getting with the things. I could be such a good technician if I were inclined to be. Oh well. I think it's time to re-read The Ethical Slut. It's been a while since I've read that particular bible of polyamory and I feel in the need of a brush up on concepts and manners and what not. Part of it is general malaise and wanting to return to grounding myself (post-drinking tends to do that to me). And part of it is not quite knowing what to think of this new gentleman and finding a guide for processing some of my feelings there. I'm undeniably attracted to him, but not (just) on a purely physical level. Intellectually he challenges me, emotionally he's a lovely person. We seem to have connected in a way I've seen very few times in my life, and to tell the truth that frightens me a little. At a bare minimum I think I have found someone who will be a very, very good friend. I cannot know where this will lead, and in some ways I fear what could happen if I let my hopes get to high, if I jump at this too quickly, or somehow frighten him away from me. All this about someone with whom I've been conversing for not quite a week now. Oy vey. Emotions are such messy things sometimes. And now, dear diary, as I am exhausted and babbling, I am going to bed! Archives |
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Entry the Three Hundred and Seventy Eighth03 November 2001 A Day at the Temple The temple of capitalism, that is (a.k.a. Pentagon City Mall). ;-) What a day - I had forgotten how draining shopping could be. I was in a horrible stupor this morning from lack of caffeine. The demon finally won and I got up and made some decaf to tide me over, but not before it had me sitting in front of the computer blankly slaying monsters on Diablo II for a couple of hours this morning rather than doing something productive, like running. Blah. Once I did get going I ran the library books back, hopped on Metro, met Doug, who arrived just in time to catch the Yellow line down to P-City, ringed the mall a few times, picked out some things, met NRJTM and DJWoodyDE for some food and more shopping. We then went back to the mall to pick up the one thing I was really, truly wanting, a new dish rack for the kitchen (I was comparison shopping - decided on the Williams Sonoma large chrome one with the translucent mat), then to get some more decaf, then to Doug's place for a rest and dinner. Rested a bit, played some on Civ III (Doug got it so we tested it out - looks good!), then off to sushi at Phillips. I've heard no really good things about the rest of Phillips, but the little sushi bar in the corner (which never has a wait, even when the rest of the restaurant has an hour-long one) is fabulous. As I explained to Doug when he couldn't believe none of the mostly middle class folks who were there wanted to eat sushi, sushi's not battered, fried, buttered or otherwise fatted up, so they don't want it. We agreed we'd much rather be atypical there and eat sushi than suffer another battered fish stick. ;-) Then home to set up the new dish rack, catch up on some email, sip sleepytime tea, write here, and then off to sleep! Archives |
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Entry the Three Hundred and Seventy Ninth05 November 2001 Two Moments Two moments from today stand out. The first was a conversation with a coworker, in which he made the comment, in referring to another coworker getting "uppity" with one of our field offices on the phone, "We all get pissy from time to time. Well, except for you, I guess." And I couldn't help but think, how little you folks know me. I get as pissy as the next person. I guess I don't seem to show it so much at work, at least not in that particular person's estimation. Interesting. I will say I do try not to get pissy with the field simply because I know that is the absolute last way to get them to cooperate willingly with you. And it's not like I can reach through the phone and make them do something, so I'd much, much rather have willing cooperation than surly resentment on the other end. Makes working with them so much easier. The next was walking back from my local ANC meeting tonight. I was coming up the street, and called a number we had just been given to report street light outages on my cell (202-269-0855, for those of you in DC). And I thought back over the meeting we had just had, where we discussed street light outages, we met with the local police precinct captain, and went over the single-serve beer container moratorium in the neighborhood. I agreed with some of what went on, and disagreed with others. I could readily identify those folks in the group who would be a royal pain in the ass when it came to the right issue, and those who were actually listening to other views (whether they were persuaded is another story). And it hit me that I really, truly do want to do this next fall. I had said yes, I wanted to run for office, but tonight's meeting, in all it's banality confirmed it for me. I want to argue about alcohol sales and street problems and crime and all of that. I want to be involved in my neighborhood in a very public way, and that includes running for public office next fall. And the worst part about wanting to become "political"? I can't get the smile off my face from the thought of the challenge there. :-) ... In other news, I called and I am scheduled to show up for Grand Jury duty tomorrow and Thursday. The good news: I don't have to report until 9:30. Woo-hoo! I could grow to like that aspect. ;-) So I set my phone message and email and the like to tell folks I'll be out, which I suppose will be the norm now for the next two months. This should be interesting. Archives |
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Entry the Three Hundred and Eightieth06 November 2001 Duty 01/11/6 9:01 a.m. So, off to GJ duty. Got in a wonderful run this morning. The sun was coming through the tops of the trees, illuminating the gorgeous fall colors in a blaze of light (but not coming down so low as to blind me). A truly glorious morning, despite having to wear tights and a cap to ward off the 30-odd degree temperatures. Managed to get one of the new Metro cars this morning. They're a tad bright inside after the (purposeful) dimness of the station. The colors are good, and the signs telling the next station and the door which will open are great. Now if they could just get the rest of them into service already. Too bad the contractor delivered such buggy prototypes. Spent some time reassuring LDCS this morning via email. Our second face to face is tomorrow and we're both a tad nervous. The social dance and it's intricacies are all the more complicated when both parties are poly and are approaching each other in a very tentative manner. Neither of us wants to scare the other off, and our interactions have been restrained as a result. I fear landmines that are likely not there, but my steps are still slow and nervous. ... I think I'll try to avoid coffee for as long as I can today. We'll see how that works. I did get my run in this morning, so I've still got some residual energy from that. Pray I can at least get through lunch, then I'll likely have a small decaf to make it through without collapsing on Doug this evening. ;-) Doug is going to cook tonight for us, for which I am most appreciative. Gave him some ideas to combine with the main dish, so should turn out well. He's not a bad cook, he's just still nervous in the kitchen. :-) ... Sitting here and listening to the folks chat in the GJ, I can't help but feel disconnected from the lives most people live. I'm not a member of a church. I'm not in a house, so I don't see/know a lot of my neighbors (though I'm working on that with the ANC stuff). I live a very different existence from most of these people and, ESFJ that I am, I find that mildly distressing. Feh. It's not like I want the sort of life most of them have, but the lack of commonalities is what bothers me. Just got told my fellow jurors will give me a week before they start picking on me. I told them they were being generous. ;-) It's a good group so far, so this shouldn't be so bad. ... Home - Made it through lunch, then had the small decaf, as predicted. Still wanted to fall asleep a few times during the GJ, but such is life. I have to ask some questions of co-workers who have been through this in other districts, but it seemed a tad disjointed to me. We'll see. Now it's time (5:30) for me to get out the door and off to Doug's place for pasta. :-) Archives |
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Entry the Three Hundred and Eighty First08 November 2001 New Relationship Energy 01/11/8 No time stamp this morning as I expect to return to the Palm multiple times over the course of the day. I have to say, I'm very glad (once again) that I got this thing and that it allows me to write in so many more circumstances than simply sitting at the computer. Might not make my writing any better, but it does allow for more of it, if I choose to write. ... Wow. I just don't know another word for it. I feel the beginnings of something very special, and the thought both frightens and exhilarates me. Last night's meeting or date (call it what you will - it felt like a date to me) with LDCS was unbelievable - incredible in the literal sense of the word. We chatted, we had tea and a light dinner over at Teaism, took a short walk around Dupont, and generally acted like silly teenagers on a first date. There is a slow energy that seems to move between the two of us, waxing and waning, crossing from full charge to slow build. I'm still processing the intensity of this. There is a meeting of intellectual, physical and emotional attraction that is simply sublime, with the result that I find myself falling, and hard. Certainly much of this is NRE (new relationship energy), that excitement we feel when beginning something new. NRE is a temporary thing, of course, destined to slow down and change. Whether that change is a fizzle or a mere lessening of intensity becomes the question. With Doug the energy evened out into a simmering, lovely passion that I feel every time I'm near him. Doug and I are so comfortable with one another, fitting together or coming apart where needed, challenging one another or supporting where needed. The NRE with us became something marvelous. The NRE with LDCS feels similar to the initial NRE with Doug. It's not the same, of course, because they're not the same person, but the attraction is similar in its encompassing of all three facets (intellect, physique and emotion). I'm trying not to get my hopes up too far, but this feels like it has a lot of potential. Archives |
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Entry the Three Hundred and Eighty Second11 November 2001 Cookies and Naked Men Having successfully picked up the Pampered Chef stuff from Doug's sister-in-law after a lovely dinner at Andale downtown Friday night (the food was great, the service sucked - guy forgot Doug's appetizer and was just generally a twit), I decided to make use of the cookie press this afternoon. What a trip. The press is this little gun, much like a caulking gun. You shove it full of dough, then squeeze the stuff out onto the baking sheet through little disks cut into certain patterns and pray you did it right and it comes out looking like an umbrella or a tree or a pumpkin or a star or whatever. Simple, no? Not quite as easy as it sounds. First there's the dough itself. You can't just go out and buy refrigerated sugar cookie dough or the like, oh no, that would be too easy. You have to make the stuff yourself to make sure it's soft enough to push though the little disks, which generally means you have to make sure there's enough butter (or, in my case, margarine) in it to give anyone's arteries a good jolt. 3 sticks of butter, a cup of sugar, an egg, a teaspoon of vanilla and 3-1/2 cups of flour later we had a rather bland but workable cookie dough. Then came attempting to wrestle the stuff into the tube. The dough was particularly sticky, and didn't want to come off the sides of the mixing bowl. Once pried up onto the spoon, it decided that the spoon was now home and didn't want to leave the new place for this tube thing. Took many scoops with (clean) fingers to get enough of it into the tube to get into business. Once in, I chose a circular pattern for the first attempt at cookies. Now, not only was this the first time using the cookie press, but also the first time using the round baking stone, the directions for which said the first time one used the stone, one should "[s]eason the Stoneware's surface by first baking a high fat item in the Stoneware (i.e., refrigerated crescent rolls)." I figured with three sticks of margarine the cookies counted as pretty high fat, and I was right from the little circles left on the stone after the first batch. Unfortunately, getting that first batch onto the stone was the hard part - stuff just didn't want to stick! You're supposed to squish the things down, one tick at a time, squishing and lifting. It turns out that different patterns will allow you to squish and lift at different rates, depending on how fat you want the cookies to be. The first pattern, the circular one, needed two ticks of the thing to get enough out to stick, with the result that they were about twice the size they needed to be. 10-12 minutes later I had these pale, firm cookies out and cooling on a rack while I tried to get maple leaves to stick. Those worked much better, thankfully, as did the subsequent diamonds and stars. The fancy thingey (a cross of four separated parts with then four more parts in between the outer tips of the cross), however, did not. The things never came together, or they were too squished, or something, but they just Did Not Work Right. I think this disk shall be relegated to the dust heap until such time as I feel that my pressing skills are a tad more advanced, since my neophyte ways were obviously insufficient for the task. And the whole time I just kept thinking how silly I must look, cursing at this mechanism as I attempted to get cookies to stick to a surface that did not want to receive them. But you know, it'll be fun to inflict them upon my friends and co-workers. I just hope I don't bring on early heart attacks with them ... After the cookie fiasco, I met Lawrence for dinner and we went to see a play at Studio Theater, "Kit Marlowe," about the late Christopher Marlowe of Queen Elizabeth I's time. Gotta love a play where the main character comes in swinging (both swinging on a rope and swinging wide between his very naked legs). The play itself was okay, the main character was very energetic (and good) in his portrayal, and very cute to boot (nice ass in the leather pants, let me tell you; when he had them on, that is). A nice way to end the weekend, as tomorrow means packing and preparing for my trip out of town to one of our offices in Pennsylvania. Oh, and that whole wow thing? It's still going on. ;-) LDCS survived my cooking last night, and I survived meeting his friends this morning, so we seem to be percolating right along. Archives |
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Entry the Three Hundred and Eighty Third13 November 2001 Outta town Well, work is sending me out of town again, this time running off to Scranton, Pennsylvania. I will have net access, so feel free to drop me a line while I'm up there (and if you're in the area and might want to do dinner, definitely drop me a line). I will be updating my LiveJournal while out, so check there for short updates. I'll be back Friday evening. Enjoy! ArchivesNo Run, No Ride, No Gym (yet!) |
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Entry the Three Hundred and Eighty Fourth18 November 2001 In Brief Let's see, I've now driven more in the past week than I have most of the past year (4 hours up to Scranton, 4 hours back, 1.5 hours in rush hour traffic from my apartment to the airport - *scream* - then 3 hours to Tidewater and three hours back again). I soooooo do not miss having a car, let me tell you. The Mikado was fabulous, the trip to Scranton went very well (no sales tax on clothing! Woo-hoo!). I've now spent more money than might have been prudent, but hell, why not? I'll write more of the adventures later, but for now I need sleep! ArchivesNo Run, No Ride, No Gym (yet!) |
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Entry the Three Hundred and Eighty Fifth20 November 2001 Selfish I've not had a break, time for myself, in almost two weeks now. I have an invitation to a dinner thing tomorrow evening, but I'm going to decline it. I've been counting on Wednesday evening as a night off. I love to be social, don't get me wrong, but even I have to have a break once in a while. I also need the rest so I can re-invigorate my exercise routine. I only ran once when I was up in Scranton, a short run, mainly because all they had was treadmills - no running trails there in town, nor any running routes mapped out for guests. They had directions to drive to a lake outside town for running, but like I was going to drive out to a strange place and go running in a foreign town. Not! And of course, being on travel, eating out was difficult and greasy. I've gotten stuff back to normal here in town, but I still feel icky from all the grease last week. So, tomorrow will be an introvert night. I might hop on gay.com to chat a bit, might play the new Civilization III game I got this weekend, but I'm taking a selfish night to stop, calm down, and be with myself and only myself. Archives |
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Entry the Three Hundred and Eighty Sixth23 November 2001 The Green Lantern There are bars you love, bars toward which you are indifferent, and bars you hate. This is a story about the last type. I've been out now for close to a decade. In that time I've been in a variety of bars, twink, country, leather, dance, etc. Some were awkward, at least at first, but in the vast majority I have felt like I was at home, among people with whom I shared something; it might not have been my exact scene, but we were all queer and that lent the place a certain comraderies. Not so on last night's trip to the Green Lantern. The Green Lantern was infamous in the DC queer scene. Notorious, even. It was an incredibly cruisy place, perfect to go and pick guys up, or perhaps go back to "the cage" and take care of things on site. When it was open in that incarnation I was "married" to The Ex, and such places were avoided, disdained even. In any case, I never was able to attend it then. It has since reopened, much better lit and with windows this time, and revived a promotion that was one of the biggest draws for the place: shirtless Thursdays. Any man (or woman) who shows up and takes off their shirt can drink for free, during certain hours. I can't compare the crowd there last night to the one that used to be there, but it wasn't a bad crowd. It was semi-varied, though most were pretty good looking. There were hairy and smooth, young and old, fit and less than fit. For some reason, though, the moment I walked into the bar, I just had a gut reaction that screamed "no!" at me from every pore. Now, I have felt awkward in bars before, I've felt like I didn't quite fit the scene, or I'd worn the wrong outfit or the like, but never have I had such a visceral reaction that just said, "you don't belong here" quite so strongly. I can't quite pin down what it was about the crowd, if they were just too hyper-masculine (though that makes no sense - I can take the DC Eagle without blinking an eye), or too tall (hell, if that were the problem, my 5'6" self would never go out!), or the wrong uniform (jeans and shirts? not exactly atypical), or what it was, but something just totally turned me off to the bar, immediately and completely. We wandered around a bit, upstairs and down, and with each passing moment my unease grew. I stood, or sat, with arms crossed and a pained expression on my face - I know it was obvious to the world that I was uncomfortable (it's not like I can hide my emotions that well in any case). It actually got bad enough, and I'm embarrassed to admit this, that I considered saying good bye to Doug and the friend with whom we came to the bar and catching a cab home on my own. I've never, ever wanted to ditch friends someplace and just get the hell away from the bar. I didn't, thankfully, but did insist upon leaving as soon as we could. Didn't quite make it to the end of the free drinking period, but I just couldn't stand there any longer. We left, and the feeling of unease gradually piddled away, though very slowly. I really wish I could explain why it was that I just couldn't stand the place, but I can't think of one. Yuck. I shan't be heading back there any time soon, that's for sure. Archives |
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Entry the Three Hundred and Eighty Seventh24 November 2001 Addict/Shopping/Design Hello, my name is Moose, and I'm a Civilization 3 addict. I've been playing this game almost every waking minute (every minute that I'm home and not cleaning or chatting online, that is) since I got it home and installed it. It's very, very addicting. Much better engine than the earlier ones, and just as much fun. The resource thing (you can only build things if you have access to the raw materials) is a new feature and makes for a much more challenging game than the earlier ones. But heavens, it takes hours, if not days, to play a game. I have yet to complete a full one, actually, as I keep going back to tweak things and/or play from a different perspective. Soon, soon. ... The afternoon, after my very slow run, was spent wandering down to Dupont, shopping (the futon cover I want, if my mattress is the right size, was much less than I was expecting), meeting Doug, dinner at Thaiphoon (excellent, as always), more shopping. Managed to get two more Xmas gifts knocked off the list, which is always good. Slowly but surely the list whittles down... Got a cat scratching post yesterday, too. You'd think no one had ever seen one the way people were staring at me as I carried it home (upside down, base on top, hand on pole). I actually had one guy ask me what it was. Bizarre. Spoke with my brother on the phone at various points this evening, in two different bookstores. My parents went to his place in Atlanta for Thanksgiving, so we checked on that. He let me know that he picked out the tuxes for his wedding in March - black pants, white tail coats with black vest and tie for the groomsmen and white vest and tie for him. Sounded good, and I was very happy that we got vests and not those stupid cummerbunds (however you spell those wretched things). He also let me know that my mother's oldest brother (she has three) has just been diagnosed with prostate cancer, and that our mother's mother's sister (my great aunt) just has a radical doubly mastectomy. You know, that now brings the relatives who've had cancer, that I know of, up to seven in the last three generations of my family. That doesn't exactly thrill me about my chances of avoiding the damned thing. Ugh. Spoke with LDCS as well this afternoon. Was wonderful to hear from him as he's going to shows and museums and what not up in NYC for the holiday. He returns tomorrow, and not a moment too soon. We don't have a date until Wednesday, but given the newness of our relationship, we're still in that fascination stage that demands a lot of time together to keep things going. :-) It's a fun stage, and one I'm quite enjoying. Very much looking forward to Wednesday. And that's been about it. Civ 3, shopping, and cleaning, though not the dishes - the sink is full and it really, really needs to be emptied, and soon. But hey, I did get the trash taken out and the vacuuming done! I keep looking at these design books and magazines, wanting to do more with the space I have. Doug alternately refers to this as my "nesting" or "feathering" stage. I want to do more with the place, but first quick side note: Natasha is chasing her own tail, just like a dog. Bizarre cat. She was more clingy than usual today, as was Boris, demanding lots of petting. I think she's finally calming down to life here with the Moose. Where was I? Oh, right, wanting to do more with the place. We shall see. If I keep hanging out in the design section of the bookstore it's going to get dangerous. Might just subscribe to Wallpaper and be done with it. A monthly dose should do me just fine. Archives |
