01 October 2000

Race Report #4

I'm pumped.

The Georgetown 10k was this morning, and it was awesome. Like my first 5k, this was just an incredibly good experience for me.

Morning started out nice, cool and foggy. Got up at my normal time after an early bedtime, got some breakfast, checked mail, showered (the vanity again). May have had a little too much cereal as my tummy has been mildly upset today, but more on that later. Had coffee as I felt the need to make sure I was caffeinated, and followed it with a ton of water. And several trips to the bathroom.

Side note: Doug says I'm quite the little chatterbox when I'm caffeinated. I concur. ;-)

Doug and I drove down to Georgetown, parked near where we parked the day before when I went to get my race packet, number, shirt and champion chip. I highly recommend going the day before, race day was so much less stressful with not having to worry about that. Plus you might actually get there early enough to get one of the few size small shirts. I didn't but I got there hours after pre-race day registration opened.

Wandered down toward the finish line, checking out the merchants who were preparing food for the post-race celebrations. The mandatory bananas and water were fleshed out with chili and muffins this time around. Not bad, but not for my stomach after a race. I stuck to the bananas.

Heading down the street, watching people running, warming up, stretching and what not, I could not help but feel, for the first time, that I belong to this group of people. That I am, finally, an athlete. Here I am, running my first 10k, veteran of several 5k's now, got my running shirts from previous races, know what I'm doing, where to go and what not. I belong here. And that feeling was just so incredible, it served to start the race on just the right note.

Went down to Water street where the race was to begin. The changed the course from the previous year, something to do with permits for street closings, so no fear of the hills from races past. This was to be a simple out and back, an "English Course" as the emcee called it, so we'd get to see the leaders when they turned around.

Waiting for the race to start was the worst. It always is. You're primed, you're ready to go, and why can't they get going already!!! Finally we started, the crowd moving forward in fits and spurts. I placed myself toward the back. My goal was not to set any records, but to finish without walking. I can do it, I've run this approximate time before, so I know this will be doable.

We round the first of only two corners, heading up Wisconsin Avenue. Heart rate monitor says I'm okay, body feels fine, pushed up it at a steady, but not too fast pace, and then around the next corner onto M Street. The only true hill, the hardest part of the course this time around, is over, not to be seen again. We're onto the main thoroughfare and into the real race.

M street led onto Canal drive, a relatively flat road that runs around the old C&O Canal. Saw runners on the old towpath, across the canal from us, as well as canoe rentals (mental note: will have to check out canoes rentals at a later date), dogs, children and assorted others. Canal street was the final part of the course, where the half-way marker was, as well as the mile markers set up along the way.

Crossed mile one at 10:33. Doing a ten and a half minute mile. Not bad. This is roughly my normal training pace, so it's feeling good. The crowd wasn't too bad, didn't feel squished like I did on the 5k in Georgetown the last time I was here. Mile two came at 20:45, speeding up a tad, getting closer to ten minute miles. And the last miles all seemed to go in that vein. Finish was just about a ten minute mile pace.

What I found, later in the race while watching my heart rate monitor, was that I felt comfortable at 179 or 180 beats per minute, but that any faster than that, say at 182, and I'd start to feel icky. Interesting to note where I hit that peak where the body is pumping along nicely and where the threshold of nastiness is. That's valuable information to know as I continue to train. Don't know why I'd not seen that before, but there it is.

Passed and was passed by a gentleman everyone simply called "Juggler" because he was juggling four juggler's sacks as he ran. He did drop them on occasion, but not that often. Better shtick than "Cowman" from Ironman Canada (during the run this guy wears a hat with big antlers that makes him look like he's joined the Water Buffalo Lodge like Barney and Fred), and fun to watch. Lots of clapping from folks both before and after the turn-around with him nearby.

Got between miles five and six and the stomach got a tad sour for a moment or two. Forced it down, it decided to behave, and I was fine the rest of the race.

Got about three minutes from the finish line, crested a small bump on M Street, spotted the finish line (conveniently marked with a balloon arch), and booked. Felt fine, so the increase in speed was a wonderful thing. Zipped across the finish line at 1:01:31 (chip time, not course time), had volunteers tell us to stop running, removed the champion chip, grabbed a water (from Doug) and a banana (from a vendor/volunteer), and slowly made my way out of the crowd.

Headed home after that to clean up and go get some brunch, still high on endorfins and the residual caffeine in my system.

I liked this distance. It was more challenging than the 5k, and I ran it at a slightly slower pace, but it was steadier than a 5k, too. It was a comfortable course, the weather was excellent fall running weather, and I just had an all-around good time. I'm so glad I signed up for this one and ran it.

So when's the next one? *grin*

02 October 2000

Free Range Moose

Palm assisted, several days.

Did what I said I was going to do Friday, and more. After I hopped online I discovered several of my friends on the channel. Chatted for a bit, discovered Doug online as well, and let myself be talked into heading out for a night of drinking and dancing. Did very little of the former and a ton of the later.

Doug and I, though we met each other at Omega and walked over to Badlands together, had not originally planned a night on the town together. As such it was a "Free Range Moose" night, meaning either of us could pick up someone else with whom to head out. We've done these before, and they've worked out well, so this was perfectly fine.

So we met, had a drink at Omega, ran into some friends (including The Ex), talked with folks, then meandered over to Badlands. Forgot my ear plugs, which was really stupid as they still had some residual ringing Saturday evening. Place was dead when we got there, so we wandered between rooms. Ran into more folks I know, and finally around midnight the dancing began to pick up some.

We danced for a bit, staying near each other but not always dancing with each other. I had been looking at various guys all evening, checking them out and seeing whether it was worth approaching them. After having to ditch that one pushy guy on the dance floor I felt a tad apprehensive about giving anyone the impression that I wanted to anything more than dance. Began to notice this one guy dancing near us, apparently by himself. He was taller than I, dark hair, cute, good dancer. Checked him out for a song or two, then the DJ began Sting's "Desert Rose."

As the Arabic singing blasted out of the speakers the dance floor suddenly got much more crowded. The perfect opportunity to get closer. The crowd pressed in and so I danced closer, finally making definite eye contact, which he returned with a matching grin.

We danced together, pulling Doug in, too, almost immediately. Various members of our little dance floor triad left and returned, but when all three were there we stayed on each other like glue. We were quite the spectacle, three men (as opposed to the normal two) all over each other in quite literally the middle of the dance floor. It was so fun to be in that, and to be watching the other dancers watching us as well.

Eventually we tired of dancing and retired to the back bar to cool off. The being all over each other didn't stop (and in fact earned us a friendly comment or two) so, as is natural, we left together.

Not the first threeway I've done with Doug, and likely not the last, but what fun to pick up another guy together.

Then, to top off the whole thing, he has a brain, too. And manners as well. *contented sigh* He emailed us back to say thanks almost immediately afterward, always a huge plus in my book. I hope we get to see him again, he seemed interested (and very interesting as well). Keep your fingers crossed.

03 October 2000

Birthday/Bits of This and That

This entry actually took two days

00/10/2 8:09 a.m.

In between the 10k and Free Range Friday I went shopping in Georgetown. G'town has a nice mall, one of the only ones in the city, and shops spread up and down M Street and Wisconsin. In my wanderings, after picking up the race packet, I went through several stores searching for clothing that actually fits me. My only pet peeve about being a smaller guy is that it is frequently difficult to find clothing in my size. Size "small" seems increasingly designed to fit men of ever increasing girth, and while I realize American men are on the whole larger (in height and weight) than we used to be, there is no "petites" section to which we can turn for clothing. So either size small is too big (to use a favored phrase, it makes me look like Omar the Tent Maker does my tailoring), it's understocked, or, in some cases (like club wear) it's snatched up by guys who want their chests & arms to look bigger than they really are (nothing like popping out of an ill-fitting shirt to turn boys' heads).

So anyway, in my wanderings I was finally taken to the A&F kids store named simply abercrombie (no Fitch, no capitol letter A). I'd heard of this store, where I might actually find a&f that would fit me. Did find a&f shirts there which actually fit (regular a&f shirts are Omar material), and the designs were mostly cuter than the regular store. While 99% of the time I don't mind shopping the boys' section (same shirt, half the price?), it does annoy me on occasion. I mean, the hot-dog eating contest T is kinda fun, but not exactly the butchest thing in the world.

As Lawrence would say, "It's tough being you."

00/10/2 5:51 p.m.

Today was all about meetings and not a lot else. Between those and running to the bank I think I managed to achieve a level of non-productive work comparable only to the day after Thanksgiving. What a waste, both of my time & energy, and of my employer's investment in me.

Anyway.

Contacted RE today, the gentleman from Friday night, and we asked him to dinner on Wednesday. When I caught him I was expecting an answering machine so I'm afraid I sounded like a total idiot. :-( He accepted despite that, so we'll see him again then.

I feel so incredibly nervous (and excited) about this! It's just like starting to date all over again, only with more people to coordinate. Those same doubts, will he like us now, will he want to see us, will we like him, what will this mean as far as time commitments, etc., etc., etc.

I sound like a hormonal teenager anticipating his first date.

00/10/3 7:12 a.m.

Happy Birthday. 28. Late twenties. And not that remarkable as yet. :-)

...

00/10/3 5:38 p.m.

Recently a gay student at Gallaudet University was murdered in his dorm room on campus. We don't yet have a suspect or a motive. He was only 19. The worst part of reading the stories as they have emerged the past few days has been imagining the pain,fear and loss his fellow students are feeling now. Most notably my friend Thomas has been in the majority of the stories, acting in his role as president of the campus queer group. Almost as hard has been watching this all from a distance. I've not had a chance, other than email and one quick chat with Thomas, to talk with any of my friends from Gallaudet about what has happened. I hope some will be there on Thursday.

...

I told Tom that I'd do one of his collaborations this month. We'll see how this goes. I've not forced myself to write (aside from work) on topics I myself have not chosen in quite a while. I love to write (hence this journal), so it's not a chore to do the writing itself, but I'm curious as to how I will do with a random topic from someone else. Should be fun.

...

Almost home, then it's update, change clothes and head out to dinner.

04 October 2000

Air/Observations/Writing/Blog

00/10/4 8:31 a.m.

The advantages of a big building are sometimes the disadvantages of living in a big building. When the brief cold snap came to D.C. last week my building switched our central HVAC system over to heat for the season. All well and good but for the resurgence of 80 plus degree evenings we're currently enjoying. Nothing to ruin a good night's sleep quite like it being too hot after you've been spoiled by air conditioning.

...

They've arrested a fellow student in the murder I mentioned in yesterday's entry. How stupid can you be? To ruin your life at 18 by killing someone. How sad.

...

It's interesting to observe people observing people on the bus, to catch them staring when they think no one is watching. People like to watch hair/face and shoes, with occasional forays into the actual clothes. For the most part they hide their approval or disapproval of what they see, but on occasion you do glimpse a raised eyebrow or a curled lip. Those unguarded moments are as amusing as they are revealing, proving as they do that even the hardest social must and will crack when pressed.

...

00/10/4 5:17 p.m.

More bus writing. This used to be the time when I read. So now I write instead of reading. Speaking of which, Tom gave us a topic today so I suppose I'll transfer that to the palm so I can work on it when not motivated to add to the normal journal. It's an intriguing topic so I expect this will be a good experience.

...

Experimented with Blogger today for my main page. It seems to work well so it's how I'll go for the main page. In looking the site over I ended up doing a lot of thinking on why I'm doing a 'blog (with a lot of "because I can" answers). I don't have an overarching theme for the 'blog yet, in fact I'm not entirely sure of the types of things I'll include (little to no political stuff, I do know that). As I'm fond of saying, "we'll see."

...

Headed out for this dinner meeting with Doug & RE in a couple of hours. Yes, I'm nervous (well, a little bit), and yes, I'm probably making this out to be a much bigger deal than it is, but I can't help it. This is new territory for me and I'm not sure where it's headed.

"Change is the only constant."

05 October 2000

In Memoriam

I have to attend a memorial service tomorrow. I have to go see people remember a boy who was only nineteen, but who was killed in his own dorm room. I have to go sit with people who are my friends and grieve for a boy who was murdered on a college campus where he should have been safe. I have to say good-bye to a boy I barely knew, if at all, but who was one of MINE, who was a friend of my friends, who was queer, and who was, by all accounts, a wonderful individual.

I don't want to have to be there. I wish this young man's memorial were not necessary. I have cried more tonight over this young man than I have cried in a long time. This young man was one of mine, he was a friend of my friends, he was one of a community within my community that I would bend over backwards for.

Oh, my heavens, why did this have to happen?

06 October 2000

Two words...

I passed.

09 October 2000

Writing

00/10/4 6:35 p.m.

I don't know if having this way to write while on the go (the palm) is a good thing or a bad thing. On the one hand I'm more prolific than I've ever been. On the other hand I'm hitting on minutiae that I'd otherwise view and ignore. I can't tell if the writing is better or worse for that. Your thoughts?

...

00/10/9 9:23 p.m.

I wrote the above before the emotional mess that was the end of last week for me. It's still relevant, but it was less than useful compared to the entries that actually went up.

Spent the day today re-living my early teenage years, the ones before we discovered my lactose intolerance. I was moody, in pain, not very pleasant to be around, etc., etc. I was such a piece of work in junior high and early high school. Seems something in last night's dinner got to me. Am mostly recovered now, will be peachy-keen in the morning. What a piece of work.

I'll be headed back to South Carolina tomorrow, so will have the week off from posting. Hopefully they'll have a laptop ready tomorrow morning but I'm not counting on it. So no email for the week, either.

Anyway, about time for bed, so farewell for now.

10 October 2000

Flying out

00/10/10 2:41 p.m.

The eye candy today is nowhere near the quality of the last time I was in National Airport. In fact, it's downright boring. I hope this isn't a precursor of the week to be. I think I must still be burning off the last of yesterday's bad mood. Stomach has fully recovered, motion sickness meds were duly taken. And I'm bored to tears. My schedule will be a tad more circumscribed this time around, I think, so it won't be quite the trip the last one was.

I'm still planning on going out at least once, but with two eight a.m. presentations to give it's not like I'm drinking a ton this time. I suppose my life might be simpler if I actually had a tolerance, but it wouldn't be as inexpensive. :-/

00/10/10 3:06 p.m.

They've announced a slight delay in departure. Whee. At least the crew will be here shortly

But must they play muzak in the airport? I can't decide if it makes me want to snarl or to whine. Or both.

11 October 2000

Adventures

00/10/11 8:17 a.m.

Adventures in finding a hotel. That was yesterday evening's theme. Normally when we come down for these conferences they put the instructors in the main facility (which is also a full service hotel). I got in last night and was told I'd been placed at the Clarion, about two blocks away. Not a big deal, and in fact that meant I actually had the freedom to bring someone back to the hotel if I chose, unlike the norm when, without proper agency ID, no one else could enter.

So I hiked, luggage in tow, the two blocks to the Clarion, only to be told that because no one had called by four that day (?) my room had been reopened, occupied, and there were no other rooms available. Well, not true, there was one room with something described as a "pull-out bed." That wasn't happening! So I called our folks, actually admitted, albeit calmly, that I was "miffed," and they came and picked me up.

Found room over at the Adams Mark, the staff of which was most pleasant and accommodating. Got up to the room, phone rang, picked it up and the cord went flying out of the headset. Seems the plastic tab was missing. Quickly got that fixed, placed a couple of phone calls, and headed down for a quick bite.

After an uneventful dinner I changed into less formal clothes and headed out to PT's. It finally picked up around midnight with a short drag show but before that I thought I was going to die of boredom. Spent much of the early evening stuck talking with, and gently turning down, some postal worker. Totally not my type but one of only five of us in the bar (and the cute bartender was engaging the other two, friends of his from the look of things).

After the show (and way too many drinks/liquids - I was a good boy and got plenty of water this time - no hangover!) I ended up chatting with "Miss Gay South Carolina," who was an extremely charming drag queen. Actually she was an extremely charming person, period.

Chatted with Nicole, disappointed her and another boy by declaring my intent to go home alone, flirted briefly with the only gentleman to catch my eye (and I his), then walked back to the hotel. Well, started walking. Nicole caught up to me and gave me a ride to the hotel. She made sure she hadn't been "too forward" (I assured her she had not) and wished me a good evening. She dropped me off, virtue intact, and drove off.

...

00/10/11 12:07 p.m.

I've turned into the game guru for palm pilots here at the conference. Several managers saw me working on the palm and asked what I was doing. I happened to be playing solitaire at the time and admitted as much so I beamed the game over to a couple of the managers at their request.

Gotta love having a legitimate tool (the palm) that will allow you a nice, distracting game when you need one. I think this is why I've always preferred full computers over gaming devices, having that dual functionality has always been better to my mind.

12 October 2000

Meetings

00/10/12 10:17 a.m.

Took the night off yesterday and got some sleep. Good thing, too, I needed it. After dinner I popped into PT's briefly to see if the folks from gay.com had stopped by (they had left me a message earlier that evening which I unfortunately missed). No such luck (or, at the least, I didn't recognize them among the seven people in the bar), so back to much needed sleep.

The plan for this afternoon is hanging out with them at the South Carolina State Fair after a late lunch, though, so I'll finally get to meet 'em after a bit. One more session to attend today, then out of this suit and out of the training center!

Once again my accent has gone south now that I'm down here. I find "y'all's" and drawls and all of it in my voice (not that "y'all" isn't normal vocabulary for me). Gotta love it.

...

00/10/12 11:33 a.m.

Well, "the best laid plans" and all that. Just got informed that I'm expected at a meeting at 2:45, sooo... No trip to the fair for this boy! Oh well. :-(

Hopefully the guys will go out later, too, so I can get out of the house tonight. Not that I won't go out anyway, but it's nice to meet a group instead of having to deal with all total strangers.

How annoying. :-P

14 October 2000

Good Time/Bad Trick

No palm help on this one. I'm home, just got up after sleeping for about thirteen hours last night. I'm waiting for coffee to finish this morning, as I sit here writing and feeling the bruises on my shoulders from the mouth of an over-enthusiastic trick from Thursday/Friday, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Did eventually meet the guys from gay.com Thursday evening They're a good bunch of guys, and they were very cool to hang out with. I had initially made contact with Mark_SC and then talked briefly with Ropeman_SC before I headed out to Columbia. Once I finally met them Thursday night we were driven by JeepJock, and picked up JunGleHeAd23 before proceeding to dinner.

Dinner itself was unremarkable with the exception of the eye candy in the restaurant, including our very yummy waiter. The joys of being near a college campus - especially one where they actually do have sports teams (unlike my own school which didn't even pretend to a sports program most days). As the meal progressed I quickly grew to like this group - they obviously knew each other well, they teased like old friends (just the right amount without getting cruel) and had fun commenting on the various men who wandered past us.

After dinner we went over to the South Carolina State Fair, a fact which has amused several of the conference goers when I told them this - they couldn't picture me at a state fair, city boy that I have become. What they didn't know is that grandfather owned a farm most of my life, raised cattle and livestock, and that I've participated in making sausage from whole hog to finished product. This is no sheltered city child here. :-) But anyway, wandered around the park, again checking out the scenery (JunGleHeAd23 and I had remarkably similar tastes, which was quite fun to discover - we were shameless in pointing men out to each other). It was fun, the crowd was mixed and light enough that we never really got bogged down when trying to walk through. After a while we had our fill of cotton candy, lemonade, boiled peanuts, art, children, livestock and what not and decided to head out. They were kind enough to go to PT's afterwards (my reason for suggesting it? it was within easy walking distance of my hotel if need be).

PT's was a tad more lively than Tuesday, but not quite to the level of the last time I was there. Had some drinks, chatted mostly with JunGleHeAd23. Had one of the drag queens declare us just "too cute" as we sat there and asked how long we'd been together ("20 minutes!" was the rather giggly answer *grin*). If you can picture this, here we are sitting on bar chairs with this already hugely tall drag queen towering over us on top of the bar trying to figure out how long we've been together. Of course, this same drag queen pulled me up onto the bar after the guys had left, laid me down and crooned on top of me. I was too busy laughing to be shocked (ah, ETOH). But anyway. After we watched the drag show the guys took off. I stuck around and picked up a trick, much to my dismay.

This guy was just, well, not very good once we got out of the bar. I'll leave it at that, but it was just a bad experience (no, I wasn't raped or anything, he just wasn't very good in bed at all). Oh well, win some, lose some.

Did manage to get up and get out the door in time to make my 8:30 session Friday morning. Gave a presentation which was much appreciated by the folks in the audience (including several of our senior staff members - it's always good to do well in front of the #2 and #3 people in your organization, ya know? *grin*). Wasn't hurting too bad (lots of water between drinks the night before, and aspirin before and after bad - always works), and was glad it went off well. I stayed within my time limits and it went over really well. Caught the shuttle to the airport at 1, sat in line at the airline counter for over half an hour (got to the counter and the central computers went down - LOL!). Didn't really care as I wasn't flying out until 5 that evening (I wanted the direct flight). Flew down, got in, got home, grabbed dinner at the Italian place downstairs, checked email (eeck! - I hate not having access for a week!), then zonked.

I have to say it was much more enjoyable being in Columbia with other folks - I should've tried this earlier. :)

15 October 2000

Sex and the City

I see now why everyone was ga-ga over the HBO show Sex and the City, it's fabulous. Rented the DVD tonight with a new guy in town who we'll call DJ. Met DJ on gay.com (go fig!), chatted for a bit, offered to hang out with him, go for coffee, rent a DVD, or whatever. G dragged me down to scary DC where DJ lives and we went back to Dupont from there to get some movies and a coffee. Ran into Brian and a friend of his and the four of us went back to DJ's place to watch the first 6 episodes of Sex and the City.

The show is just really well done. Good actors, good writing, funny situations, thought-provoking. Wonderful stuff. Almost makes me want cable. Almost. Then I remember that I never watch TV except on rare occasions, like when I hang out with friends. :)

Anyway, DJ was a great host, despite his new and as yet fridge and stove-free apartment. He's accepted the job as DJ manager at JR's, a local queer bar in town (hence the nick for him in the journal). Sounds like he really knows his stuff. Now, I'll admit, JR's has not been my favorite bar in town. The clientele tend to be taller guppies who, when nice and drunk, look quite literally right over my head. I've always looked at it as a place to practice my kidney punches to get through the crowd. I'll have to reevaluate that to see how DJ's work is. Let's hope it's as good as the rest of him (and you thought the title was just about the show! *grin*).

Oh, and he'll be working at Cobalt, the much missed club at the north end of the 17th St. strip. We have an opening date, the middle of December, so look forward to that opening up soon. Too cool.

16 October 2000

Cold/March

00/10/16 5:19 p.m.

I can feel the tell-tale tickle in my throat that screams, "You're catching a cold!" Drat it all. I'll try not to whine as much this time. ;-)

We're in the middle of another "Million" March, this time for families. They need a new gimmick, this one is getting old. Three-quarters of my office was out today in anticipation of the traffic nightmare this is causing. It's not been bad for me, meaning only a minor change in my bus route at the very end. I can see why folks would want to avoid driving in, however.

This is the flip side to living in our nation's capitol, it is the focus of protest and activism. Most marches, demonstrations, etc. (including today's) are very respectful of those of us who live here, preferring to use Metro and the buses to get in rather than their own cars. There are exceptions, though, and they are a nightmare.

18 October 2000

Brainless

00/10/18 5:38 p.m.

I don't know where my brain has been the past couple of days (and no, it's not been residing down there, either). It's certainly not been present in my head. I suppose it'll come back to me eventually, but it's absence has been readily apparent to the world.

The head cold mentioned on Monday is almost gone. 'Nuff said.

You'd think I'd stop being such a jerk to Doug if for no other reason than that I hate beating myself up over it afterward. :-( In essence, I didn't let him know I was going out, he was expecting me to be in when he got home and was understandably upset when I was unavailable. Easily fixable (hello, Earth to Moose, you own and carry a cell phone for a reason!!), but stressful for us both nonetheless. You'd think I would be getting better at this. You'd think.

19 October 2000

Self-flagellation

Who needs anyone else to beat up on you when you have yourself instead? Why depend on an exterior force to correct your behavior and/or to point out your shortcomings when you can instead listen to all the little critics that reside in your own psyche? Why not simply give in to those voices of self-doubt, of those feelings of inadequacy, of that self-knowledge which tells you that you're less than perfect, and so therefore unworthy of being seen in public.

Yes, it was a bad night. I need to face it, I can't drink. Period. I have no tolerance, I only make an ass of myself when I do drink, I impress no one, I am not charming, I am not funny. I am an idiot. Oy.

Therefore, I'm going to stop for a bit. I have a 10k I want to run Veteran's Day weekend (the weekend of the 10th, for those of you outside the States) and so I shall refrain from drinking until after that event. I want to do well in that race, my body needs to get ready for the race and doesn't need the extra empty calories from the alcohol, not to mention the caffeine that comes with my usual drink, a bourbon and coke. So, I'll stop for a while. This isn't a permanent thing, necessarily, but I have a goal and I want to reach that goal. Fuck the drinking until I reach that goal. I want to do better at this 10k than the last one - I'd like to run one distance better than my first time running it (my first 5k is still my best).

Damn. Why can't I realize these things earlier?

20 October 2000

Stability versus Chaos

00/10/20 8:29 a.m.

Thank heavens that if I have learned nothing else from my drinking I have learned how to avoid hangovers. When I listen to myself, that is, which I did last night. No problems at all this morning, slept well, am rested and ready for the day.

Now if I were just motivated then I'd be set. :-P

I'm glad I don't feel worse this morning, heaven knows last night's acute discomfort at seeing myself intoxicated was more than enough. I simply don't want to feel like that again. Why do I need to do that to myself? The answer is, of course, that I don't.

Anyway, keep your fingers crossed that this works. I have far too much going for me to screw myself up this way.

...

Obsess, obsess, obsess.

...

Another reason for my annoyance is that I ran into a young man last night in whom I had shown not a small amount of interest. Even before a drop touched my lips we chatted and his attitude was extremely cavalier. It was if he were saying, "I know you're interested but I have no need to impress you now that you're hooked." The nerve! Needless to say that did not start the evening off on a good note. Especially considering I had invited the man to dinner tonight.

...

00/10/20 5:48 p.m.

Freaked my boss out today when I told her I had a meeting with our organization's #2 person today (about three levels above my boss). You pass the bar and suddenly everyone gets paranoid about what you're going to do with your life. Oh well.

Day went well. I'm actually getting things organized in my office, which is a first. I suppose in a way I'm trying to get it to a point where I can walk out the door and someone can pick it up immediately and have it all make sense. I want out and it's becoming more obvious.

Impatience reigns. I want change and I want it now. *sigh*

Actually have a quiet evening planned tonight, and a quiet weekend ahead. I need the down time from myself, I think. Self-destructive behavior seems to have been my norm the last few weeks and it's too much to do anymore. So rest it is. If I don't get online and find a better offer, that is. :-)

...

I want stability, but I want some chaos, too. Does that make any sense?

23 October 2000

Install/First Date

00/10/23 8:39 a.m.

One hard disk, successfully installed. Hooray! That was what I did with my weekend, install a newer, larger, faster hard disk, plus a fresh copy of Win98 to fix/remove all the bugs I had with Win98 on the old HD. Yet another reason I'm glad I'm not afraid to rip my computer apart and put it back together again.

So that was a goodly section of my weekend. That, brunch and shopping with my best friend, a birthday cocktail party for a friend of Doug's, and cooking dinner for Lawrence (Herb-garlic Chicken, aka Chicken with 40 Cloves of Garlic - Yum!!!). Oh, and a good run on Saturday. And I wonder why people call me an overachiever.

Speaking of running, I managed to get so involved with the computer and dinner yesterday that I missed going out for a run, but got a really good run in thls morning. It's finally cool enough that the first wave of Special Running Gear came out of storage. No, not the black Power Ranger tights, it's not that cold yet, just the "it's cold enough that plain cotton won't cut it" top.

Some would say this is a tad too much, that I'm going too nuts on gear to enjoy the sport. I say it's cheaper than buying a treadmill, and it keeps me in shape for other winter runs. I don't care for sweatshirts on the best of days, they don't keep out the wind anyway, so why not get something comfortable?

...

00/10/23 5:43 p.m.

Software duly remembered, but likely little to no time to install once I get home - I'm having dinner with RE tonight. This'll be the first time he and I have interacted in person independent of Doug. I'm certainly looking forward to seeing him, and I already know we get along well, but I still have "first date" jitters about this.

You'd think I'd be over first date jitters, but I'm not. I don't know that I'll ever really lose them. They're neat, in a way, proving that I'm not a jaded little queen (well, proving I'm not jaded, at least *grin*). But how often does one need to feel like a teenager?

24 October 2000

Kitchen

00/10/24 8:42 a.m.

I might get this one posted - I finally got the software installed this morning. Re-doing a computer is a slow process.

Had a wonderful evening with RE last night. He's great to spend time with, dinner was excellent, and time spent around the memorials was fabulous.

Got home from dinner, though, to discover a note from my building announcing bug spraying. Not a problem, and in fact they're finally bringing in an outside company to do a more complete program. Except the day chosen for this is Wednesday. Yup, tomorrow. Nothing quite like getting less than 24 hours notice that you have to empty every cabinet in the kitchen, every pot, dish and can of food. Argh!!!

I did go fuss at management this morning, politely, pointing out that 24 hours notice, especially when a. they're going to fine us if we don't prepare the kitchen and b. it's something major like cleaning the whole kitchen, is not nearly adequate. Oh, and to add insult to injury the letter was dated last Tuesday, even though delivered yesterday.

So instead of the High Heel race I get to clean the kitchen. *snarl* Happy Tuesday!

25 October 2000

Job Search?

00/10/25 8:29 a.m.

Kitchen prepared, race attended, sleep gotten. Not a bad night. Of course, it's not like anyone will read this anytime soon since G keeps forgetting to bring back my Palm software from work. :-P Today. Maybe. ;-)

When looking for a job while you are in a job, especially a relatively safe job, you will not be ready to accept the help people will offer you until you reach a certain place where you finally say to yourself, "Enough." I'm placing some calls today. I have chits I can call in and critical mass has been achieved.

Let's hope it helps.

I've been in my job for two years now. I've become an expert in several areas there. But I've ceased to learn new things. I've gotten to a point where to do more will require innovation, and that is, at best, a risky thing. Better, I think, to take this new license and find work elsewhere. Six months is the goal; I want new employment within six months. Keep your fingers crossed.

26 October 2000

Sleep - Not

00/10/26 8:45 a.m.

I don't know what to write this morning. Nothing seems to be majorly out of kilter (save my ever present fussing about my lack of exercise), things are all proceeding apace in most areas of my life. No major dramas going on, other than lacking my palm software for uploading everything to the diary. Hmmm. So why do I still feel "off" this morning.

Probably lack of sleep. I'm far too picky a sleeper to short change myself like I do. Doug says I was snoring last night (fabulous - that's always a sign that I'm gaining weight - grrr!). Woke up an hour late, too, which hasn't helped my mood in the least. Oh well.

28 October 2000

Recharge needed

00/10/28 7:53 p.m.

Well, the synchronization appears to be working okay now. I decided to add the mail features this time around, which is a trip. Let's hope that works, then I might actually get mail out to some of my friends who don't know the moose address.

Good run today, took a nice, easy pace, merely wanting to get out and move, not set records. Felt good, especially after the huge lunch Doug and I had today. Ugh! Way too much food in a single burrito.

So things are working now. I have massive loads of laundry to do tomorrow (including tons of towels - tricks & boyfriends make quite a mess *grin*). Not too bad, but I think I need to take at least one evening this next week just to chill. I've been going non-stop since I don't know when and I need a night alone. Alone meaning no one over, no tricks, no friends, no boyfriends, no going out. Just a night to stay at home and recharge.

In other news the Queer Diary Ring is finally growing. I started the thing as an alternative to the Gay Diary Ring 'cause I was so tired of all the broken links on it. I have the time to patrol the sites, so I'm happy to offer the alternative.

30 October 2000

Sworn In

00/10/30 9:13 a.m.

When going to An Important Event make sure the shirt you need to wear with your suit has not fallen to the floor of your closet, thereby necessitating a panicked dash to iron as you are trying to get out the door. Especially if you're already running late as it is.

I'm heading to Richmond today to get sworn in before the Supreme Court of the Commonwealth of Virginia. I just want this over with, to tell the truth. Yes, it's a neat thing. And yes, it's a big day. But it's also a pain in the tukas to have to drive to Richmond and sit through a two-hour court session simply so I can stand up and swear to uphold the Virginia and United States constitutions.

...

Well, survived the drive to and back from Richmond. The ceremony itself was nice and simple, the talks uplifting, and the whole thing over with. Over with is the most important part as it now means I'm a licensed attorney. Woo-hoo!

Several observations from the day are in order. First, I no longer enjoy driving. I used to love to drive, but now it's just a chore. Going to Richmond was merely annoying. Second, there were more bad haircuts in that room than I've seen in a long time. LOL! I so need a haircut, too. Third, not a one of the successful lawyers in the room had any facial hair. I shaved mine off this evening when I got home (among shaving other things *ahem* *grin*).

It was an interesting day overall. Saw several people I was in Bar Prep with (and one of the guys I was seated next to). Lots of congratulations all around, and a generally good natured atmosphere. Attorneys at their best, if you will.

As I said, I'm just glad it's over, now I can go get a job as an attorney with my internship ending soon. I want to pay off these student loans and get a nicer place to live and all the rest. Bit by little bit I'll get there.

31 October 2000

Half-kitchen

00/10/31 8:00 a.m.

Some days it's all about the right equipment. This morning's run was in not-quite freezing weather, so the power ranger tights came out. Thank heavens for them - I hate running on a treadmill. Running outdoors is just much more interesting, not to mention a better workout.

So last night's "quiet night" worked. I'm rested, got in a good run, feeling good. Sleep is a wonderful thing!

And thankfully when at home I can put caffeine-free Coke in with the bourbon. ;-)

00/10/31 5:20 p.m.

Some days being a diarist just makes you want to scream. Either you "reveal too much" or not enough. Piffle! I'm writing this for me, dear audience, not you. You just happen to have been invited along for the ride.

I need to finally put my kitchen back together tonight since I'm supposed to cook for Doug & RE tomorrow. It would be nice to have a place to sit, ya know! Minor details. I have no idea what to cook, though. I guess I get to troll through cookbooks, too. Bah, I'm not in the mood for that, but I suppose I'm stuck now.

...

Well, about half the kitchen made it back in before the lure of the chat rooms proved too much. :) Got all the food back in, and some of the dishes. Was good to look through the cupboards and see what's available for dinner. Still not sure what I'm making (I did look, despite my protestations), but we'll see. Probably something veggie. :)