04 May 2000

Stress

I hate this. I've got to type my bar application for the Virginia Bar this evening and as the hour approaches I am getting increasingly more stressed. My co-workers will be gone, I will be all alone in the office typing on an ancient typewriter, praying I don't make too many goofs and that the Bar decides I'm worthy of admission.

What a crock of shit.

Had to track down one last bit of info, my disbursement dates, original amounts and current payoff amounts for all my student loans. Thank heavens for the web! All of it was there, and so depressing to read. I hate being in debt, even if the majority is deferred thanks to my internship. *shudder* It just seems to hang there over your head, waiting to pounce on you. :-p

Got myself fingerprinted this afternoon (for the third time in two years) for my Bar application background investigation over at the Metropolitan Police Department. It was a neutral experience (neither good nor bad). The people were nice, when they came out to help, but the building itself was awful. It's shameful how this city has allowed that building to get into that shape. Ancient green flooring, bad blue paint on the walls, half the furniture looked like it dated back to the beginning of Home Rule (such as it is) in the District. How atrocious!

Can't it be five o'clock yet? I need to type!!!

Once it's over, Happy Hour at Omega, here I come!

...

Got all but a little bit of the application together tonight, will finish it tomorrow morning and get the blasted thing mailed off. I will be very happy once this is off my chest. Once it's gone all I have to do is study and take the test and it's done, done, done!

08 May 2000

Nightmare

Had my first bar-related nightmare last night/early this morning. I dreamed I was going down to pick up my text books for my bar prep class (as I must do next week), and they gave me an incomplete set of Michigan's books. Don't ask me where I got Michigan from, I have no idea. I just remember getting more and more irritated at the bar prep people when they didn't want to give me the full set of Virginia's books. Ugh!

So, hopefully that'll be the last of that. Like I need nightmares on top of the other stress for the bar. :-P

....

I've been working on redoing the web site, but it's going slow. I'm fixing the pages so there are fewer of them to change when I decide to make universal changes like background color, font, etc.. Any bookmarks to pages other than the main page (index.html) will change. Hopefully it'll be up by the end of the week. *fingers crossed*

10 May 2000

Race

Good run this morning. Not wearing the head phones really seems to help, though zoning out does as well on occasion. Run started out sore (knees), but after a burst of energy to get past some obnoxious cards on the way to the main trail they settled down and did just fine.

I'm really looking forward to running my first 5k a week from Sunday. I've been running now for two years, I've got a fairly steady routine down, and I'm just ready to do this. It will mark a transition from just a recreational/personal exercise activity to something which I do out in public with all the bells and whistles of a real race. To paraphrase a famous running enthusiast, "The difference between and runner and a jogger is an entry form." So, welcome me to the world of runners in another week and a half!

11 May 2000

Temporary

I cleaned out my desk today. No, not because I quit (as tempting as that sounds), but because they're replacing the carpet and painting the walls this weekend. So I have no computer, no files, no desk, no nothing. And no leave to take tomorrow, thanks to the bar exam. :-p I'm saving all my leave for the test, so I don't have to come in that week, and so no days off for moi. I'll likely be bored to tears at work tomorrow (there's but so much net surfing one can do), but whatever. So, I get to relocate to a coworker's office while she's out and play on that computer.

....

I'm putting this entry up, as well as a few others I've had in storage, just to get something up! I've not updated in so long it's ridiculous. I have to change the link to Doug's page since he's now hosting with Esosoft like I do (after being dumped by both AOL and tripod for "adult content" whatever the fuck that's supposed to be). I want to change the colors and what not around, too, make this beast easier to read, make the links a tad more obvious, make it prettier, make it suit me and my personality more, etc., etc., etc.

Been spending more time with David because he's leaving in a few weeks to go back home and work for his member of Congress on the fall campaign. So, one boyfriend down at that point. :-( I will miss him, he's very easy to spend time with, he's a great friend, and a wonderful person. Hopefully he'll back in the winter after the November election, but one never knows with these things. I hope he does well at home and doesn't get too stressed as he campaigns. :-) Good luck, David!

Doug is feeling a tad nervous? unnerved? anxious? now that classes are over and he's a free man for a couple of weeks. His friends are trying to keep him busy (as am I, to the extent I can) to take his mind off of things, and he's discovered my email list and gone nuts on there with postings. It's been great to see a new perspective on the list - I need to advertise it more so that the influx of new members will bring some new discussions into the fray. With the elections this fall in the U.S. that has seemed to be the constant running theme lately and it's getting tiring, mainly because the same old things are said over and over. One would hope they'd cover new ground, but they rarely do. Doug is stirring them up, civilly, and it's a refreshing change.

Tim should be back in town (I hope! I miss him terribly!) early next week.

And I may have a new roomie before the end of the summer. B left to head back to St. Louis, but one of his friends, G, will likely be moving to DC before the end of the summer. We've been talking a lot on the phone since they both (B and G) came to DC for the Million Trick March weekend. He's a card, and having him living here would definitely not be boring. ;-) I can always use the rent help, and having someone at home again isn't necessarily a bad thing. I've enjoyed the freedom I have in living on my own, but at times it grows old. We'll see.

It's all temporary in any case. :)

14 May 2000

Makeover

You may have noticed something a tad different about the site today. :-) I finally did what I've been threatening to do for a while now - I totally reorganized the site. It's still not 100% complete, but it is a lot more professional looking than the previous edition.

I can't believe I stayed up this late working on the site today. It's still the 14th, though barely. I should get it all uploaded before the change of date, but hey, that's half the fun of working on the web, no? Staying up til all hours plugging away at designs? Whatever. I'm tired, I want to get this thing uploaded and done with!

,,,

A good weekend, despite the head cold I was fighting from at least Wednesday on of this past week. I registered online for my race this Sunday (anyone want to come to Hain's Point and watch me do my first 5k? It starts at 8am!!), got to hang out with Doug and David (separately), danced on Friday, got my place cleaned in anticipation of my brother and his friend coming to town for job interviews, grocery shopped, etc., etc., etc.

No huge frustrations. Well, other than losing my voice for most of the weekend, but hey, no big deal when you stay at home alone for a bit. :-) Which reminds me, ran into some of my friends from Gallaudet University when Doug and I were headed back home from Badlands (a tad early). They asked why we were heading back so soon, I explained about my cold, then said I had no voice. No sympathy there, let me tell you. LOL! Never complain to a deaf man about having no voice. *chuckle*

...

I have to put in a gratuitous plug for Elated, a UK-based Internet company who has put out some nice looking templates for designing web pages, including the basic setup of this one. I redid all of the files here with a graphics program, but the basic layout was theirs, and I do believe they should get that plug. Visit 'em - their stuff looks great.

15 May 2000

Obsession = Pain

Okay boys and girls, the lesson for the day is that if you obsess over something like, say, a new web design, and you work on the beast with a mouse for hours on end without stopping, then you risk aggravating the nerves, etc. in your wrist. Good old repetitive stress injuries. My wrist is killing me today, courtesy sitting in a bad position at my computer yesterday evening.

I don't even know how many hours I sat working on the graphics and what not after dinner last night and during the middle of the afternoon. Typing is fine, I'm not having a problem with that today, but using a mouse is torture, especially the standard one they have at my desk at work (as opposed to the Logitech marble trackball I have at home - which helped tremendously the last time I did this to myself back in 97 or so). Even with the mouse pad I brought in for myself, the one with the wrist rest attached to keep the wrist in a better position. I guess I need to look up the proper ergonomic positions for typing and mouse work yet again.

So, rest today (after writing this out and uploading it, that is *grin*), no work on the site. Doesn't matter much anyway, I have to do laundry tonight and cook dinner for my brother and his friend. I hope they do well on their interviews over the next three days - it would be neat to have one or both of them up here in the D.C. area.

...

Well, my brother called while I was on the bus, they were in Woodbridge (south of D.C. on I-95) a bit ago, so they should be here soon. I started my laundry and I think I may say "Fuck it!" on dinner and take them out instead. Yes, it's late, but I'm tired and I don't feel like cooking (especially with this wrist). Okay, that does it, dinner at Dupont. :-) Gotta love it.

16 May 2000

Ramblings at 2 a.m.

I can't sleep. It's two in the morning and I can't sleep. I fell asleep for two hours, 11 til 1, but then I woke up (thinking it was much, much later in the morning) and couldn't fall back to sleep. My mind won't stop racing, so rather than force it to go into a mode it obviously doesn't want to enter, I decided to write.

My brother has the same green eyes I have. I noticed this at dinner for the first time. I don't think I've ever really noticed his eyes. I've not seen him since Christmas, so I was actually observing him, really paying attention to him, for the first time I can remember. It's odd, you live with these people for the first however many years of your life (17 of mine, 13 of his) and yet you don't pay attention to those little details. It made me realize that I don't remember what color my parents' eyes are. I shall have to ask.

It must have been the tea I had with dinner at City Lights. Tea aids the digestion, but damn that caffeine at times like this. Ugh.

Was talking to G again tonight on the phone. He seems to miss the conversations we have. I admit I enjoy them as well. In the one tonight he asked how many boyfriends I had, then amended it to how many people I was dating. I answered, "Three. Unless we want to count you, then perhaps it's four." He paused, I think I shocked him, and allowed as how he'd like that. It struck me that the phone conversations we've been having the past week or so have been dates of a sort. We've done those things that people do on dates, chit-chat, talk about our lives, admit an interest in each other, talk about future plans, mutual interests, etc., etc., etc. So I suppose we have been "dating" after a fashion. How complicated.

My wrist is still sore, though it's not quite as bad as yesterday evening.

I want to sleep.

I'm babbling now, but I'm no more tired than I was before. Ugh. Or, rather, I'm tired, but the mind fights me. It refuses to just pass out again, spending the few hours left until 6 a.m. in restful slumber. Oh well. I suppose I'll upload this now, log off, and read for a while until my silly little brain decides to slide back into peaceful oblivion.

18 May 2000

Pain & Fatigue

I am so tired of arguing on my list. No one likes the rule enforcer, but that's what I've felt like the past two days. "Papa Will" as one member called me. Can these people not learn how to argue persuasively without having to result to insult? Are people so controlled by their emotions that they cannot have rational discourse?

I suppose so.

Not that I can talk. I can't believe I went off on a member online; I never do that, but the man hit my last nerve with a comment he made and the way in which he said it. Grrrrr!

*sigh*

But I'm so fatigued at the moment ("Never tired...," he said, "Fatigued."). Was up very late last night on a last date with Tim. Dessert at Kramer's, then down to talk at the F.D.R. Memorial and the Tidal Basin. We talked well into the night (discovered they cut the lights off at the Memorial at midnight). I still have a friend, but I was hoping for more.

Staying up late on a school night didn't help me stay peppy today, either, on top of the emotional strain. So I stayed in rather than go to the normal happy hour. I have to get up and run tomorrow in any case so I will be ready for the race on Sunday. That's more important than one last night in a bar any day - I've practiced and waited too long to fuck that up, regardless of the fact that I'll not be able to go out for the next two months.

So I sat at home, had a little dinner, finished watching the copy of Star Wars Ep. 1 that my brother brought me, had a Guinness, sat down at the computer and realized that I really, really wanted a hug. Damn.

20 May 2000

Ratbastard

I have been named a ratbastard by the master Ratbastard himself. Was at a housewarming party for the man, as a “date” for my friend Lea (who shall hereinafter be known as “Madam”). Ratbastard’s a friend of several friends, and though he does not give out reciprocal links on his own page, I rather think I shall put up a link to his site. It’s a cool site, he likes to play with web programming (since he does do the stuff professionally), so go and take a gander.

The party itself was great. The pre-party was a trip. Madam and I left work together, went to Union Station for a nice beer and dinner (well, I had a beer, Madam was driving so was not allowed to imbibe). Took great glee in being carded (almost didn’t, but she gave me this look like, “I think I want to ask you for ID, but I’m not sure if I should...” so I smiled and that cinched it - she asked), as I always do. I love being carded - it’s a great ego trip that people think I might be trying to fake being 21 or over. *grin*

After dinner we went shopping, buying glitter stuff for the face (and when am I getting to a club to apply this stuff to my face? Not anytime soon, unfortunately!), which Madam used with gleeful abandon on the host and her friends (and his friends, etc., etc., etc.). And this was only one glass into the champagne punch, no less.

We took our time getting to the party, having loads of fun getting lost in Northeast D.C. - thankfully she’s a great sport and a quick driver. Got there early despite all we did to try and get lost. Took the tour of the Ratbastard’s new house, ooohed and aaahed in the right places (it’s a sweet house, no lie), admired the former owner’s paint jobs and tiling work, then wandered and talked with the other guests as they arrived.

A few of the mutual friends were there, so was fun to watch them get snookered. Got pooh-poohed when we all started talking about our web sites (seems most of the guests had personal sites - go figure!), but loved it.

Then, upon leaving, that Witch decided to tell Ratbastard I was dating multiple men, and moreover that they all knew about each other, at which point I was named a true ratbastard. A nicer compliment could not have been made.

21 May 2000

Race report

5:45 a.m. - the buzzing alarm that I so diligently programmed in last night goes off. I slap the snooze bar. What was I thinking? 5:45? Ick.

5:55 a.m. - my alarm radio cuts on, playing DC 101 (the local complaint rock station). I rouse myself from the bed and find the remote, hoping to switch over to WAMU (public radio) and have the dulcet tones of the Sunday Morning Edition announcers wash over me to calm nerves which have not yet begun to kick in. No luck, they’re still playing bluegrass. Bluegrass?!?! And not only that, it’s the religious bluegrass show. Normally I don’t mind bluegrass, and occasionally I actually take a perverse joy in the music, but this morning I flick the radio off in disgust. No soundtrack for me this morning, it seems. At least not at this hour.

6-something a.m. - I grab a bowl of cereal and get ready to shower. Yes, I am that vain - well, not normally, but then again normally when I run it’s by myself in Rock Creek Park so who cares what my hair looks like. Quick shower, get my stuff together and out the door at 7. It’s grey outside, overcast and cool. Only expected to get up to 70 today. No sun, which is good, it’ll be nice and cool for the race itself.

7:30 a.m. - arrive at Hain’s Point, remarking at how flat it is here, right off the Potomac River. My running courses up to now have all been hilly, so this should be interesting. I have no clue what I’m doing, but I find the registration table, get my number, 577, assure the woman that yes indeed, I do wear a size small T-shirt, and stand around nervously watching the other runners. I do some light stretching and just stand and breathe.

7:55 a.m. - they get us all together to do stretching together. I do it all save the jumping jacks. Hated ‘em in school, not going to do them now. Besides, I tried one and almost fell on my butt in the slippery grass. It’s not raining now, but it had at some point during the night. Means there are a few puddles in the asphalt we’ll be running down, and the grass is kinda slick, but no big deal.

8:00 a.m. - they line us up behind the line, and without much to-do, tell us to start. I think it caught many by surprise, but we get going quickly. I put myself pretty far back, I’m expecting to run about a 10 minute mile, which seems about right for my normal training pace. I’ve sort-of measured how far I run most mornings, but without objective markers I have no real idea. I aim for that time and get going.

I think I stretched a bit too much, as my shins feel a tad sore starting out. Left knee is feeling sore, but both of these fade within the first half mile. I break away from the woman running with her dog and the man she’s chatting with (though not before overhearing that there’s just under 200 registered for the race - in reality 107 finished). It’s going well, I pass a few folks, feeling I’m at a good pace. Round the first corner of the triangular course, passing the water station without taking anything. I do this length of run all the time without, so I feel no need to partake this morning. I’d had plenty before I got there, and it’ll be there at the end, so I wasn’t slowing down. The short leg across the park went quickly (side two of the triangle). We dodged puddles and avoided cars, passed a mark on the ground that read “1.5 mi” and checked my watch - 14:30, then around the second corner. In the home stretch now.

Felt better about my pace on this third leg and was slowly catching up on some runners, so I picked up the pace a bit more. Body was feeling good, I got around them with plenty of room (didn’t want to crowd). Alternated between the right edge of the road and the middle, depending on traffic - there were a few cars coming down to the Point where the race was to end.

I’m running this last bit by myself - no one is around me. The next person is easily 30 feet ahead and the next to follow about the same. I can see the cones with which they’ve marked the finish line, and I keep up the pace I adopted on this last leg. A woman with a bullhorn is standing in front of the finish line, calling out, “Men on the right, women on the left.” I’m wondering why she’s yelling it at me since there’s no one near me, but I suppose she’s got to let the folks behind know. Through the gate, hit the stop on my watch, back to let them rip the tag off the bottom of my race number, then around to the refreshment tables.

A banana and a bottle of water later I check my watch (I was not looking too hard at the big race clock - how does one have the presence of mind to remember it?), 27:31 (27:33 according to the official results on racePacket.com). 38th of the 52 men, 13th of 17 in my age division. Not bad for a first race, or so I’m told. Never having attended a race I’ve no clue how that is compared with others. I just know I finished and did so in a time I was happy with.

So now I’ve done it, two years after I started running because I wanted “cheap exercise” (little did I know how much the shoes and gear can cost once you get into this *grin*), I’ve finally run my first race. I’m ecstatic that it’s done, that I have finally gotten out and run in a race, that I’m not just doing this alone, by myself in the mornings. Wow. Now when’s the next one? :-)

22 May 2000

Dating

Why is there no convenient way to tell someone whom you’ve met only in person (and, hence, they have none of the information that you’ve made so publicly available on the web) that you’re polyamorous?

Had a date last night, a pleasant one with a fellow attorney. I'd met him at the Gaylaw reception a few weeks ago. We had dinner and conversation, all very nice and sweet. And he’d like to see me again. But he has no clue about my polyamory. Argh! I cannot lead him on, that is simply unacceptable, but there was no chance to tell him during the course of dinner and talking afterwards. This is so frustrating. I was so miffed at myself when we parted that I had not brought it up at all. Well, that and I was miffed at myself for not having bought the bus pass that started on Sunday thereby giving me a nice 30 min walk uphill from Dupont, but that’s another story.

This is not how I expect to act toward other people, especially about a topic that has the ability to freak so many people out.

...

Had a last planned date with David tonight before he heads back home to run his member of Congress’ campaign. He was under the weather, so we had some dinner at his place, watched a movie and cuddled on the couch. This seems to be my week for goodbyes. He’s not leaving til early next week, but with my hermitage (bar prep) happening soon, trying to reassure Doug that he still is very definitely in my heart, and balancing my other friendships it’s going to be a busy week. May get a chance to see him this weekend, but not sure, hence last “planned” date with him. I’m going to miss him. :-(

This would be the downside of polyamory - more chances to get dumped. I know, I know, David’s not dumping me, he’s moving - but it’s still a loss of a relationship, it’s still as hard to deal with.

This has not been a good week so far.

23 May 2000

Queer Rant

This has been on my chest since the Millennium March on Washington. I was reminded of this tonight because the balloon that B brought back to my apartment after the March is finally starting to droop. Not bad for a silver balloon, that it's still hanging on the ceiling three weeks after being inflated. I still can't believe it's still up there.

But I digress.

The March was okay, and I'd have to say that the overwhelming theme, if there was one, was family and marriage. The Vermont legislature had just passed their union legislation, there was a huge kiddie area, strollers everywhere it seemed. How delightfully middle class.

*puke*

I'm sorry, I'm not "just like straight people save that I sleep with men." I'm queer, not straight. Not normal. Not establishment. Not mainstream. I don't want a little white picket fence. I don't want a house in the suburbs. I don't want to live my life aspiring only to make money, raise some urchins, send them off to nice schools and then travel around the world spending their inheritance once I've gotten rid of them. I want no half-acre of grass to be chained to; I don't want to spend my weekends mowing the yard and edging the lawn, tsk'ing over my neighbors who don't get the lawn "just right" in a perfect shade of green with matching flowering plants all over the place.

Don't get me wrong, if queer folk want to get married for whatever reason, and if they wish to raise children, more power to them. I will gladly fight for their right to do so, even if I fail to understand their reasons for it and choose not to take advantage of those rights. It just annoys the fuck out of me when the more mainstream organizations (read: the HRC) advertise queer folk to the world as being "just like the straight people save who we choose to spend our lives with," divorcing the idea of sex from queer relationships. As if the only thing we're concerned with is finding that one perfect person with whom we can spend long evenings gazing into each others' eyes from opposite sides of a lovely, stylish couch. Hello, we have sex with people of the same sex, that's the whole point! I want to fuck men, not women. If straight people are uncomfortable with the idea of sex between queer folk, then so be it.

It is, to a large and fundamental extent, about sex. Period. We have no rights because straight people are uncomfortable with the idea of themselves having sex, much less us. My sex is about pleasure, not procreation. I would venture to guess most straight people's sex is about that, too, even if they pretend otherwise. Morons.

I do not want to be assimilated into the general culture; I belong to a subculture and I embrace my people whole-heartedly. They are mine and I am theirs. I want the company of queers in my social time. I want my fashion tips from fabulous boys. I want car repair tips from strong women. I want people who aren't afraid to act in a certain way simply because it's a stereotype. So what if I wave my hands about and yell, "Fabulous," at the top of my lungs. Whose business is it if my wrists are limper than a straight boy's? Why should it bother me that not only can I change the oil in a car but I can also pull a mean stitch on a hem? Or whip up a great gourmet meal out of things I keep lying around the house "just in case" company comes? Why should anyone care than I have and wear earrings in both ears? Or that I have nipple rings? Or a ring in my dick?

I'm queer; fuck the rest of 'em.

25 May 2000

Hermitage 1

Began my hermitage this evening. My bar exam prep class is now taking up all my time post-work on the weekdays (and one weekend, but not until early July). I've told most folks that my social life is on hold - at least as far as planning anything big - until after the exam ends two months and two days from today. Hence, hermitage - a time spent alone in contemplation.

I have not been in a class, especially not a serious law class, in two years now. I'm out of the habit of taking notes - my hand hurt last night from it! Four hours of taking notes will do that when you're used to being on the computer for your writing, which is a very different motion and exercise for your hands. Add to the mix that I forgot the Powerbar I bought to take for dinner (doh!), so I was starving by the time class let out at 10pm. Grrrr. My own damned fault, but hey.

Metro'd back home, which I never do. Glad I did - it was a lot faster than the bus would have been, not to mention that it felt safer that wandering back to my bus stop from work. Luckily the class is a mere 6 blocks from where I work, so it's easy to get there right after work.This is going to be a trip.

29 May 2000

Life, despite the Hermitage

I am so glad this class started just before a holiday weekend. Especially considering the next holiday weekend we have (the 4th) will be preceded by a practice examination. *shudder* Having the class start with the holiday looking, and on a subject (civil procedure) with which all of us are already passingly familiar was a good way to do this.

The weekend was an interesting mix of good and bad. The weather absolutely sucked gorilla butt, overcast and nasty (and rainy at times) the whole weekend. I about froze today, the one day I really went out and saw folks and wandered around for long periods of time. So of course the sun finally came out as I was running this evening before dinner. Not enough to warm anyone up, so I was glad of the long-sleeved shirt I wore, but enough to get in your eyes when going down the trail.

Today's run was awesome, though. It felt so good to get out and run in the evening when it was still cool. Saturday's run was great, too. I made Saturday a slightly longer run than normal, working on training myself up to longer runs. The race last weekend has really had me psyched about my running, and I'm very happy to see that. Kept thinking about future races while I was running today, too. Sometimes it scares me, but this run was so positive, and I enjoyed it so much that I know I'm hooked. :-)

Sunday morning, however, was more than a tad odd. I canceled on brunch with friends, primarily because I felt like the thing had gotten out of hand. Long story short, I planned lunch with one friend, then suddenly there were several other people coming with (all friends, so that was not objectionable in and of itself), and suddenly I found myself being told what time it was going to be and that it was going to be bumped back, etc., etc. Not consulted, told. And not by the person I had asked to do this in the first place, but by a third party. Not what I had wanted to do, and it irritated me to no end, so rather than show up and be a pissy little bitch I canceled. I still love these people and I will still do things with them, but that was my way of expressing that this was NOT the way to do something (and I will explain my feelings to them as well in a more direct and polite form as well).

Harrumph!

Had several long conversations over the course of the weekend. Had lunch and coffee with the attorney I had met about a month ago (a second date). I think I'll refer to him as CL. It went very well. Had to let him know I was not the innocent, conservative little person I appear to be. ;-) No one expects my piercings ("No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!"), and it does throw people off a tad (most react well), and the whole polyamory thing. This has been a strange relationship, a new experience, in that I did not meet him online, he has not had the benefit of seeing this diary and the information I make so publicly available; I did not meet him through friends. I met him at a reception, we talked, we made a coffee date, we met, we seem attracted and compatible, so we're proceeding.

Talked several times with G over the course of the weekend. We're still in that early stage of talking an awful lot (I love this stage!), about life, the universe and everything. We've discussed the possibility of looking for housing together this fall if we seem compatible as roomies. He's coming out to visit in less than two weeks, and I have to say I'm very much looking forward to seeing him. He's been so fun (neat, pleasant, enjoyable, etc.) to talk to, that seeing him in person is going to be a treat.

Had a good dinner and conversation with David, too. I'm very glad I got to see him again before he takes off tomorrow. I felt bad, though, as we were cuddling and I was so damned exhausted on Saturday that I almost fell asleep on him. :-( How embarrassing! And it wasn't him, it was because I had gotten myself up at my normal time that morning, had run (this was Saturday), and was just plain physically worn out. I realize it's just a normal physical reaction, but it was still embarrassing as hell.

Had a very good, very deep conversation with Doug tonight, too. We needed that time to talk and to re-explore feelings and see where we were and where we both see things going. I love him so much, and am so glad he's in my life. He's such a stabilizing force, knowing that he's there and that we love each other.

So there is life outside bar exam prep, even if limited life. It might grow to be less in the coming weeks, but this was, overall, a very good weekend in the midst of the Hermitage.