Of Moose And Men
The Best Laid Plans Of Both Often Go Astray

Got up this morning totally Mr. Cranky Pants. Did not want to get up, did not want to go run, did not want to see anyone, did not want to do anything. Sat around, pouted, read the paper (they’ve been delivering it regularly since Tuesday), pouted some more, and was generally in a horrible mood. Was feeling like I’m tired of training for the marathon, I’m tired of feeling like I waste an entire weekend day doing the long runs, and a lot of, “Why am I doing this if it’s not fun?” Of course, I do it because it is fun, I do enjoy it, it’s just that I was feeling a total lack of motivation this morning. Was also missing MG, who’s been away for work this week. And, as I said, just feeling a big dose of the blahs. Must’ve had something physical going on as well, stress-wise, this week, because my eczema’s flared up as well.

Thankfully around mid-afternoon I snapped out of it as I did massive amounts of floor cleaning (yay swiffer wet), did laundry, even ironed (which is a measure of how blah I’d been feeling – I never iron). Feel much better now. MG’s headed back to town tonight, and will wander over. In the mean time I’ve lit a bunch of candles, popped in a movie, turned the lights off and am relaxing. It’s not quite meditation, but it’s much more restful than I’ve been of late. Hopefully the long run tomorrow will be better for excising Mr. Cranky Pants from my system.

In other news™, I had an unexpected surprise yesterday when I pulled up my leave and earnings statement. Evidently the beginning of the month was an anniversary at work because I went up a step for the paycheck that hits next week. Extra money is always nice, especially unexpected extra money. Oh, and my parents now know about the new neice/nephew, speaking of expectations, and also that my brother will be teaching sixth grade starting in the next week or so. Good news all around (which made the attack of the cranky pants all the more bizarre).

Had my monthly haircut this evening, so texted Brian and headed out to dinner with him and Jhim. Was good to see them both, and good to get out. I’ve been lying low here in SW DC, mainly because money is a tad tight right now, so eating in or eating cheap are the preferred modes for food. Simple food has also been my preference at home because of some stomach woes I’ve had on and off. My digestive system has never been the best, and every now and again it decides to really go off the deep end until I smack it down, which may be coming soon (don’t ask).

Picked up staples at Whole Paycheck on the way to the bus, which thankfully was running pretty well this evening; didn’t wait more than 10 minutes at either stop, and there’s something to be said for catching the bus that drops you right in front of your building. Had planned the trip, so was a good boy and used a cloth shopping bag from home rather than taking fresh bags from them. I wish store still gave you some discount for doing that (some used to give you a nickel or something per bag you brought in and used yourself rather than using theirs), but even without it was nicer to have a bag I knew wouldn’t rip open on the bus, and that I didn’t have to stuff more plastic bags into the recycling bin.

MG’s out of town for work, and we’ve been chatting on the phone in the evening. Sounds like he’s pretty busy there, but doing good work. Miss him, but the communication helps.

Oh, and don’t tell my parental units, but I’m to be an uncle again. My sister-in-law is about a week pregnant (confirmed with the doctor yesterday), so she’s due in June. This, mind you, while she was on the pill (and after she had her first child in March of this year). I did remind my brother that there were things he could do as well (condoms, anyone?), but was gentle in my reproach. At least he’s married to the woman this time (my older niece is the daughter of his HS girlfriend – oy). I’m happy for them, and will be happy to be an uncle again.

I decided to cut today’s run a little short, figuring that a good three hour run would be better than a good three hour run followed by a crappy two hour run (had originally been planning to be out there for almost 5 hours – ouch). So I cut it short on the first loop around Hains Point and headed home. It was actually a pretty good run, with the exception of two potty breaks I ran the entire thing, which was a welcome change from what has been the norm, breaking down and walking for bits after about 3/4 of the run was done. So, psyched about it, sore tonight, and glad it went well.

Still trying to decide what I’m going to do for races next year. I think I want to try to do the Cherry Blossom 10 miler (and see if I’m cursed again this year or not – third time’s the charm?), the inaugural Great Dismal Swamp 1/2 Marathon, the Rock n’ Roll Half, and past that I’m not sure. I’d like to do a late season 1/2 Ironman triathlon, and an olympic distance race or two, but I’ve not gotten off my butt and looked at which races are out there yet. Do need to do that soon as those things tend to fill up quickly (for example, every Ironman distance triathlon in North America is full already, and probably were right after they opened up – methinks they need more races).

Did get out of the house this evening for a nice dinner at City Lights with MG. He’d not been in a while, I am always up for City Lights, so there we went. Was good, as usual, and I’m glad we went.

Oh, and oddly enough (for me), I went to a DC United soccer match last night at RFK. And, surprisingly, I really, really enjoyed it. The action was fast enough to keep my attention, but my friend and I could still chat, and I understand the rules of the game, having played it in my (otherwise) misspent youth, so could actually follow the thing (unlike, say, American football, which has no real rules except that The Time On The Clock Is Not Real And Thus The Game Will Last For An Almost Interminable Age Before It Mercifully Ends). Unfortunately the home team lost (to yankees, no less – the horror!) to the NE Revolution, 2-1. But was nice to get out of the house (again), and to experience something new, even if it was kiddie appreciation night or something like that.

Thank you to all those who offered well wishes, they were very much appreciated. Y’all did better than my brother, who, though we had a long conversation this evening, seems to have forgotten his brother’s birthday. I’ll have Mom pick on him for that.

Mom-guilt rocks, when used as a pre-emptive strike. Or even as gentle revenge.

I do have things saved up to post about, like the fact that I get my Horney (Horny?) nature through my Mother’s side of the family, about the card I got from my parents, about dinner last night, and a lot of things, but for tonight, I’m simply saying Thank You, and getting myself to sleep.

Last night I noticed something that was, to me, odd. MG was over, and I just noticed that I have felt much calmer when he’s been staying over lately. I say odd because I’ve felt more like I’ve been the calming one in my past relationship (one ex referred to the calming influence of my presence as soaking up the “Moose soporific rays”, and not in a derogatory way). So it was startling to realize that the effect was working in the opposite direction. This weekend makes seven weeks since we met, and it’s just grown more comfortable in the interim.

In completely unrelated news™, I am seriously craving tater tots. Methinks a trip to the grocery store on the way home is in the cards. Mmm, tater tots…

As MG and I were getting dressed this morning, he in a suit for a planned trip to NYC on business, and me in my bike jersey and shorts to bike to work, all I could think about was how it would make the start of a lovely pr0n scene, with the bike messenger coming to make a special delivery for the gentleman at his office.

Surprisingly, we still made it out on time.

Rawr.

I bought a signed copy of a memoir about breast cancer written by a lesbian this evening. I’m not sure why I did this, except that it sounds like it will be interesting reading (lesbian relationship drama!), and perhaps it might help me deal with my mother’s own survival over having had breast cancer a decade ago. An odd way to learn about it, but one does what one can.

No running this week after Tuesday morning’s run. My knees began to hurt, which is a sure sign that New Shoes Must Be Purchased, so I will do that this weekend. The race last weekend went well, despite evidently needing new shoes. I ran it under 30 minutes, as was hoped (28:10), but not under my PR (27:33). I did have to remind myself that the PR was set on a very, very flat course and that this one had two slight hills at either end, so that was some slight bit of consolation. That said, I was still happy with the results. If only the marathon would go so well.

Otherwise the silence has been merely busy. It’s the end of the U.S. Federal Fiscal Year, and since fiscal law is what I do for my Big Government Agency, it’s a relatively busy time of the year for me. I still enjoy it, thankfully, but it has kept me somewhat occupied of late. I also purchased a new game for the DS, Lost Magic, and am enjoying that thoroughly. It’s horribly distracting, but I have put it down every now and again.

Still seeing MG, and that continues to go well. He makes me happy, I enjoy the time we spend together, and I look forward to more time spent with him.

After the fire incident Saturday it really brought home that with no action on changing the rules here at the cult co-op that I really couldn’t bring the cats here. So, per his request, I let Richard know by Labor Day whether the cats were coming or staying, and they’re staying. Not an easy decision, certainly, and I despise being the one who leaves his pets in a break-up, but I was not going to risk having to lose them at a later date because they got discovered and the cult co-op forced me to get rid of them. That would have been more horrible than I care to imagine.

So, I’m a family of one now. I’m sure it will sink in more later, but for tonight it just feels very… odd.

When I moved into the new place and set up the TiVo, I noticed that Spike TV was playing Deep Space 9 on reruns, in order, several episides a day. So I signed up for a season pass and have been watching them bit by bit. The run ended recently and so I caught up to the last several episodes, not being able to stop watching as the story progressed in a marvelous fashion up until the end. So somewhere around 2-something last night I finished up the last episode. Worth staying up for, but left me a tad tired this morning, when the building’s fire alarm went off sometime after 6 a.m.

I vaguely remember drifting out of sleep, but only realized what was going on when I heard the fire trucks pull up. Will have to have a discussion with the building to see about making the alarm a) louder and b) more annoying. It was a constant beeping which really was no more annoying that someone’s alarm clock going off on the other side of a large house. Not nearly sufficient to wake people up in the case of a real emergency.

Having lived in a large building where the alarm went off every 2-3 months, I wasn’t about to evacuate until I knew there was an actual reason to. So I watched as the firemen in one of the trucks were unable to get into the property. They ended up setting two ladders so that they could go up one on one side of the fence and down another on the other. I cannot believe none of the security guards, nor any residents had keys to open the fencing. That’s going to change, period. I suspect folks will be yelling up a storm at the board meeting on Wednesday about this.

After brunch most of the day was spent with MG, a gentleman I’ve recently started dating. Some shopping, some wandering, a good nap at his place, then home again before heading out to dinner with RNJTM. Now it’s crash time so I can get up and run in the morning, another 15-16 miler planned as prep for the marathon.

This starts to sum it up (from a book I just finished re-reading):

“My dear,” the Magus said softly, “it sounds as if – and please pardon me for my presumption – you’re looking for a reason not to need him.”

“I am,” Joanna said desperately. “That is… I don’t need him. Not really, I mean…”

“You mean you don’t want to need him.”

She was silent, feeling by the tightness of her chest, the sudden hurt of her throat, that he spoke the truth. “Him,” she said slowly, when she could again control her voice. “Or anyone.”

The velvet arm tightened about her shoulders; the light, beautiful voice spoke from the dark, “Why not?”

“Because I’m afraid if I need him I’ll screw myself up for him,” she replied, with the perfect candor of weariness. “Because I’m afraid I can’t think straight around him. Because I’m afraid I’m not doing it right — I’m not being the right kind of person. And mostly because I don’t want to need him and then have him leave.”

“Ah, Joannna,” the little man sighed. “My dear child. Do you really consider yourself that foolish, or that weak?”

And that’s a bit of how I’m feeling (as “Joanna,” of course). New relationship, old worries, old anxieties. That foolish, that weak. Even though I know I’m not.

That said, I think I’m more afraid of cutting myself off than opening myself up, truth be told. For, as the Magus goes on to say:

“If love didn’t make us insane,” the Magus said gently, “who among us would have the courage to step outside the walls we build to protect ourselves against life?”

Too true, Magus, too true.