Of Moose And Men
The Best Laid Plans Of Both Often Go Astray

I think I finally pinned down what it is I’ve been feeling for the past day or so, and that’s lost. Something I considered an anchor (though whether I clung to that anchor for the right reasons is a whole other story) is gone, and I’m doing the usual soul-searching that comes from such an upheaval.

And it’s not particularly fun.

This on the heels of just having had a “what do you want to do with your life” talk with my supervisor, going over advancement possibilities, and thinking about what else I might want to do with my career. I’m fairly happy with my job, though I will admit these days to being somewhat bored with it, too. Same old issues, same old fights, and in some ways a new crew of managers coming in (not in my office, but in others I deal with) who are not quite as pleasant to work with as the ones I deal with daily now. Do I want to stick with that? But what else would I do? So frustrating.

It doesn’t help me that I’m horrible at cultivating a support network. I don’t reach out to folks as I might, and I don’t really go outside myself when dealing with a problem (save for venting here). “My problems are my problems,” my little brain says to me, “and they’re for me to deal with, alone, until they’re taken care of.” And that’s not always the best solution. In fact, it’s probably rarely the best solution. I work, maybe I go exercise, I come home, I veg, I maybe chat online, but that’s it. And I don’t think that’s enough for me.

I’m also very seriously reconsidering the IM in November. My parents are iffy, because Dad’s going to have some surgery around then and so they don’t know if they’ll be able to travel out. BC won’t be coming, obviously. And frankly, the idea of going out there for a week and coming across that finish line for something that big with no one there to greet me, celebrate with me, or just to see it happen is just not an appealing one. Yes, I wanted to do it because it’s a challenge, but I’m not sure if I like the cost at this point.

IM training started this week. It’s been okay so far, but then again, at two days in I should hope it would be okay. Did light weights tonight for the first time in forever and a day. I’m sure I’ll feel it tomorrow, though I didn’t do terribly much, in keeping with the long hiatus. It’s the whole trying to fit in 3 workouts per sport plus weights, plus have time to cook food, work, sleep, and perhaps even have a small social life. When push came to shove, weights went out the window. Going to try and not succumb to that in this cycle.

This past weekend meant two days headed over to the local festival in BC’s home community, which meant two days of festival food. Mmm, grease. The art and what not was fun, though, as was wandering through with his parents, and assorted friends we ran into.

On the gaming front I picked up Halo 3 when I was at home, because I found it on sale for 1/3 off. So far it’s kicking my ass on “normal” mode. I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it eventually, but for the nonce I’m dying a lot. Still haven’t beaten Overlord, though I’m getting toward the end. I started getting a bit better at SSBB while home, and still stink at Mario Kart. That’s about the extent of it, I think – everything else is in abeyance.

I think I’m going to take the red cross CPR/First Aid classes this winter, after the IM. I need the refresher for the first aid portion, and if I ever did learn CPR it’s long forgotten now. Useful skills to have, and requirements for some other things I’m contemplating, but don’t want to discuss quite yet.

Long runs in the evening are teh suck. At least, they are when I haven’t cooked and don’t have food ready and waiting to eat when I’m done. Did six and a half miles, relatively slowly (though the pace picked up as I went along). Heel was not happy with me as I got done, so I’m sitting in the night brace here, making sure I’m stretching the plantar fascia. I had gone to the grocery store yesterday with BC, so had food to prepare, but then there was the preparation part. Finally eaten, but was nigh starving before I ate.

Feel like I need a massage. I hope it’s not BC’s cold coming on, and is just soreness from the run. He stayed over last night and was burning up a good chunk of the night.

Not sure which project I’m going to do next, knitting wise. I think I need to do some samplers to learn a few more skills for the next ones (increasing & decreasing, specifically) before I get started on them.

I’m feeling, hmmm, unengaged at work these days. The Project From Heck is in abeyance, stuck in our front office for noodling, so I’m working on a variety of smaller projects, none of which are terribly interesting or engaging. So I’m just feeling a bit adrift. I’m sure it’ll pass, but it’s damned annoying while it’s there.

I’m a week overdue for my normal haircut, but have an appointment tomorrow evening. So looking forward to that. It’s too shaggy at the moment, so it’s time to get shorn.

Okay, when I said I was spent when it came to cleaning for the day, I so lied. The parental units called, and when I’m on the phone with them I generally have to wander the apartment and do minor straightening, which lead to cleaning off all the surfaces in my bedroom. That then lead to tossing out more crap, putting away the latest two medical devices I’ve picked up (the vertigo collar and the plantar faciitis splint), etc. Hell, I even cleaned up the pump bottles of lube by the bed so they aren’t dusty/lubey any more.

Yeah, it’s been that bad today.

I also finally tried out the screws BC got me for the PC’s CPU fan, and they worked. I had forgotten what fun it was to own a PC. Anti-virus software needed updating, there were 10 gazillion Winders updates to download, etc., etc., etc. It’s running a full scan now (not that it needs it, but Norton insisted), while I ignore the thing in the corner.

Thankfully TBS has been playing the Lord of the Ring trilogy all day, so there’s been some noise/distraction going in the background most of the day. Frodo’s just about to get gotten by the giant spider, so all’s right with the world.

Upgraded my install of WordPress, too, which managed to break the LiveJournal crossposter on the front page of the overall site. That’s what I get for following the directions and deactivating the plugins before I upgraded. I forgot to deactivate it on this portion of the site, and it’s supposedly still working. Hopefully that’s true, as I’ve liked having the dual-posting option, and the programmer who wrote the crossposter hasn’t upgraded it in a couple iterations of WordPress.

Heaven willing tomorrow at work won’t be quite as evil as it was the last two work days. I do have more writing to do, I know, but not nearly as much as this past week held. If not, I’m not sure what else I can clean.

Definitely on the upward side of a stress cycle today, as evidenced by a massive cleaning spurt this morning and early afternoon (washed curtains, put tons of things away, tossed a bunch of junk, scrubbed down the bathroom & microwave, etc.). The main bit of it was sorrow over not running the 10 miler this morning. I briefly entertained the idea of going ahead and trying it, but thankfully common sense prevailed and I sat it out, as I have no desire to kill my legs/knees/ankles. That said, I was in a massive funk all day yesterday over it. Damned vertigo.

Am decidedly spent now, at least when it comes to cleaning. And if I keep going I’m afraid my hands will pay for it this week.

Such a predictable reaction to stress. At least it’s a productive one.

Yesterday was the first time in forever and a day that I’ve done two workouts in a day (a short run in the morning, swim drills in the evening), and today everything is sore. Hips, arms, core, the works. And I still want to hop on my bike for an hour or more here this morning to get in one more workout this week. I know this’ll get easier, but I did not want to get out of bed this morning. As it was I let myself sleep in.

Going to attempt a visit to the Washington Design Center today with BC (depends on when he gets over here, I suppose). It’s here in SW, and I’ve never been, so I want to check it out. Spring has sprung and I’m wanting to rearrange my living room. I have ideas, but it’s always fun to see what other folks have done to tweak those ideas.

Since getting tested, getting back to exercise has been slow. Motivation, breaking the non-exercising habits of the past couple of months, all nasty little barriers to overcome. Still not back to anything resembling a regular workout habit. Blah.

Work’s been pleasantly busy. Big project from last year has raised its ugly head again (the good idea of an outside agent which just happens not to be legal – so sorry), so we have to respond to yet another Hill inquiry about this thing. Ugh. Doesn’t help that the particular field office involved won’t shut up and get into line with HQ on this one, and admit that they’re reading the law wrong. The other big project has been a nice distraction, and finally seems to be coming together in a way that I think will work fairly well as a narrative, and in a way that the #2 in our office (who is ultimately charged with this memo) will like. Step increase kicks in this month at some point, so a little extra money should show up in ye olde paycheck soon, which is always nice.

Keep hoping for slightly warmer weather in the morning (I’d be okay with low 50s, thanks), mainly so I can go outside and bike. I don’t want to set up the trainer yet again and have to crank out miles in front of the television any more. Unfortunately the lows for the next week look to be in the mid-30s, so more trainer time it shall be. At least that lets me clear out my backlog of magazines & catalogs (I usually browse magazines when I get bored with the TV and am stuck on the bike indoors).

I decided to give up caffeine again because it was affecting my sleep, which in turn was screwing with my training. Today was day two, and I warned BC that I might get a bit testy in a week or so. So far, so good, no headaches, sleeping better, all good.

I have, however, been extra-snarky. Like, really, really overly sarcastic at every little thing. Poor BC got to see a lot of it this weekend as we watched TV and I did a complete snark-a-thon at pretty much every show. Not quite what I was intending when giving up caffeine (New and Improved! Now with extra Snark!), and hopefully it’ll pass shortly as my system gets used to the change. Until then I suppose I’m going to have to watch my tongue more than usual.

The SOTU was a good excuse to sit still and knit for a while – listen to the speech, but not watch the goings on. I got several rows done on a new swatch, all knit stitch (I’ve still not braved purl yet), and I’m happy with how evenly it’s coming out this time. It helps that I cast on only 30 stitches rather than 42 – the needles aren’t really big enough for 42 – so it’s nice and even this time. It’ll either be a scarf or a pot holder, we’ll see. Depends on how often I can sit down with it in the evenings, and how bored I get.

Still don’t have the whole “how to hold the thread in the right hand” thing down yet – I keep twisting it too tightly around my index finger. Will have to get my friend TH to show me how she holds the stuff. Or learn continental style. Who knows. I’ll get it eventually, I know.

Interesting speech for some of the stuff he addressed. The earmarks portion (the reason I watched, actually, since it has a bearing on my practice area) will be an interesting change, and is going to cause a lot of headaches with Congress (who will find a way to earmark funds, even outside the official committee reports, trust me). It’ll certainly keep my BGA’s government relations people busy. I suspect those same folks will be culling quotes from tonight’s speech for a letter we have to finalize tomorrow morning as well. Makes me glad I don’t have my work blackberry just yet.

It is, of course, too little too late. Earmarks rose precipitously under the last term of (R) control of the Congress, and while they’ve come down some, they’re still pretty high. Not that (R)s alone are to blame – (D)s earmark plenty, too. Not sure of the solution, past taking the measures he’s going to put into place – an executive order signed tomorrow to ignore these extra-legal set-asides is a good start. Weaning Congress completely off pork, however, is going to be an uphill battle.

Got my heel shot up this morning with cortizone, to counteract the plantar faciitis I’m dealing with off and on. The night brace is helping, but I got to a point where I finally agreed with the doctor that a shot was called for. We’ll see how that does. I want this stuff done with, it’s not comfortable at all.

I had been thinking about gaming systems, but if my obsession behavior the past two days is any indication of how it would be if I got one, I really, really should not. I picked up the new Zelda game for the DS, and it’s been absolutely fantastic. Some of the elements are a bit slow, but for the vast majority of the game I think they nailed it for my gaming likes. So much so that I’ve been up far, far too late the past two nights playing the game. Only had to revert to guides twice, which is a good sign for me.

Big thanks to the folks who came out on Friday, I had a marvelous time, and it was good to see people. That was precisely the b’day celebration I needed – low key and fun chatting and watching folks chat.

My eldest niece and her mother popped up today to play tourist, so we wandered through the Mall and a few museums. She absolutely loved the Metro. It’s a shame Air & Space is still so disorganized and doesn’t have more hands-on stuff for kids – that’s what she stopped at whenever we were in an exhibit, the ‘I can play with this’ things. She also spent most of the day talking about going to City Lights, my now former favorite Chinese restaurant in town.

The service was, in a word, atrocious tonight. They were busy, that much was readily apparent, but that’s no excuse. No one came by to check on drinks. My niece managed to down her water and her soda fairly early, and even after I specifically asked a server to get her a refill of her soda (even handing him the glass), it never came back. Then I couldn’t manage to flag anyone down because they were all flying by so quickly. The one guy I did finally catch was one of their busboys whose English was somewhat lacking, and unfortunately my Spanish is non-existent, but we did manage to get soda refills, at least, for the niece and her mother. To say I’m miffed would be an understatement – this is a place where the more established wait staff calls me by name, in Chinese, when I come in, so it’s not like I’ve never been there before. Hell, I was lying in bed for about 1/2 an hour just now and all I could do was dredge up much-unused vocabulary for expressing in Mandarin exactly how annoyed I was at the whole thing (and it’s amazing what ancient vocabulary can be dredged up in the service of strong emotions). As it was I did get one of the management staff before we left and let them know that this was the most dismal service I’d ever received there.

Otherwise it’s been a lovely weekend. I’m going to get my newest toy hooked up to the bike tomorrow and head out on a ride with a friend after his bike (re)fitting. Haven’t played with it yet, so this is the inaugural run. Should be interesting to see the data once I’m done.