Dear random cyclist,
Thank you for your attempted entry into the 2006 Darwin Awards, however we wish to note that your entry, “idiot on bicycle in traffic with headphones,” is far too common an occurance to rate a mention in this contest. Good luck on your continuing attempts to remove yourself from the gene pool, and let us know if you pick something more original.
Sincerely,
Darwin
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Dear 95% of the runners I saw out this morning,
Cotton?!?! WTF? Go get some real clothing that doesn’t weigh 10 gazillion pounds when it gets wet because you’re sweating like mad in this heat. It’s worth it. Trust me.
Sincerely,
Someone who got overheated just looking at you
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Dear Fish Market,
I realize you specialize in dead things, but do you have to smell like a charnal house first thing in the morning? Please at least spray down the parking lot. Thanks.
Sincerely,
A disgusted runner
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Dear Mother Nature,
Would a breeze have killed you this morning? Thanks for nothing.
Sincerely,
Overheated in DC
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Dear Designers of the DC Waterfront,
Would some more trees, and less concrete, have killed you? I know you wanted magnificent vistas, but damn is all that concrete miserably warm in the summer. Same for L’Enfant Promenade, more trees, less concrete. Idiots.
Sincerely,
A disgusted fan of midcentury architecture
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Dear DC City Planners,
Yes, the Waterfront and Promenade are historic, but c’mon, let’s get with the times. Modern Organic would be so much nicer, and make the areas so much more appealing. More trees, less concrete. Thanks.
Sincerely,
An annoyed resident