24 November 2000

Sex Appeal

TOPIC FOR NOVEMBER 2000 OUT THERE! COLLABORATION:
This month, examine the issues surrounding sex appeal. What is it, to you? Does it include physical traits? Intellectual? Emotional? A combination of those things, or something different? What would your potential mate have in terms of sex appeal? How would you assess your own sex appeal? (Be fair and objective.) How have your view of what and whom is sexy changed over time? Is sexual appeal likely to change again for you? What principles do you/did you have, when looking for that special someone? How rigid or flexible are those principles?

Sex appeal is a very ephemeral thing. It depends on so many factors for me, how they look, how they carry themselves, how they act, how they talk. It's such an incredibly subjective thing, though. And it can change from moment to moment. I could find someone incredibly sexy on one trip out, see them out another time and be totally turned off. Or vice-versa.

I suppose the one thing that would apply to the whole kit and caboodle of sex appeal would be confidence. If someone carries themself well, if they say to the world, "I know who I am and I'm comfortable with that," then they're much more likely to get noticed than otherwise. If they take care of themselves, dressing well, well-groomed (the hair is key - if the hair looks like crap, ain't no way in hell), then they're more likely to get noticed. If they slouch in the corner, sipping drinks and looking like the world is about to smack them on the head just for being there, no way.

I don't demand physical perfection to find someone appealing, in fact I find it a tad intimidating. I'm by no means perfect myself, and I can appreciate how hard it is to get over physical imperfections (hell, I'm 7" smaller in the waist than I was in high school - that should tell you something right there!). What's more important to me is whether they have a sense of play about them. Can they be adventurous? Can they imagine exploring? Can they be flexible (both physically and mentally)?

As far as my own appeal, I think it's mainly in my size and the fact that I look younger than I am (most days *grin*). There are so many guys who like this whole vulnerable young'un look I'm able to pull off. Do I encourage/play it up? Of course. :-) Short-cropped hair, lots of smiles, bouncy personality, short (5'6"), small body. I tease, I stick out my tongue at compliments, I look away when commented upon (or blush), I say outrageous things to get people to laugh. All very "cute" and very vulnerable seeming. Someone people want to take care of. Someone people instinctively hover over and protect.

Which, to be honest, is annoying as hell at times. ;-) It runs against my very independent streak, that these factors which men seem to find so appealing in me combine to make me appear very dependent and very malleable, which is not the case at all. I'm a stubborn, opinionated little moose, much to my paramours' chagrin when they find out the truth.

My standards have changed over the years, yes. I am a tad pickier now than I used to be (stop laughing! I am, too!), even while I've expanded my experiences. The physical characteristics I find myself attracted to are better defined for me (generally darker hair/complexion, generally older than myself, etc.), though they are by no means the end all be all of what I find attractive. Every now and again someone will pop along who totally doesn't fit into my "type" of man and it's a really neat thing to observe them and see why it is they are so fascinating at that moment. I like to keep my horizons open because I've found that there are appealing traits in all kinds of people, even if they are not all the same traits. Why limit yourself only to one person or one ideal? How much harder do you make it for yourself if you limit what you consider appealing?